Decision Made in Reconstruction

  • June 26, 2020, 1:25 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

Well… the decision was made.

Despite me taking Friday off and preparing my house and making sure everything would be just right for my parents to visit…

So of course they called me Thursday night to say that they weren’t coming and were instead going to get a dog.

So, I know that my parents have been very giving people throughout my life. I was a sick kid and I had my own issues. They’ve always been immensely financially generous to me. All of that. So I automatically think I’m out of line for how I think here. But… it feels like a selfish move. It feels like they are valuing their own “we want a dog, let’s get a dog, yay we have a dog” over visiting their child during a time of struggle.

And then the other dark thoughts come. Like… They would never do this to my brother because he gave them a grandchild.

And I remember that… the last time my parents were here; was before Nancy and I had even discussed separation in Marriage Counseling. And yes, I’ve seen them since. I’ve gone to visit them. I’ve gone to visit my brother. And as the single guy without a partner or child to worry about; I see how the logic is “It is easier for you to visit us then for us to come see you.” And in a logical sense… I get that.

But it also re-paints a lot of my past relationship issues. Why was I so upset when Thompson refused to visit me and the only time we’d see each other was when I visited her? Why is it that constantly being treated as a “safe, understanding” guy that “doesn’t mind being deprioritized” pisses me off so much in a dating relationship?

I mean… imagine, if you can. Your son is going through a divorce, during COVID19, and you are aware that it has been hard for him as his ex is already dating other men. Your son is semi struggling with isolation while dozens of life affirming trips and activities he was looking forward to have been cancelled. Your son is the Special Victims Prosecutor while going through all of this; so his job is constantly hitting him with dark emotional labor. And the first trip planned to visit him since before any of that began.... you cancel within 24 hours because “We have the chance to get a dog, so we’re going to do that instead.”

I shouldn’t be so hard on my parents. They haven’t had a dog since Hope died so it has been almost a decade for them. But… honestly. You know your son is going through a lot and the first trip to see him… nah, we’re getting a dog. Just… upsetting. Kind of… shows me how everyone that loves me sees me as “less of a priority.”

DE_KentuckyGirl June 26, 2020

Are they aware that you're struggling like you have shared here?

However, I've grown tired of people canceling when I've taken action to accommodate what they've said they will do. It's a 2 way street. So frustrating when people can't seem to make a little effort when you make most of it (,like being the one to drive and visit).

Park Row Fallout DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ June 26, 2020

Unfortunately they are very aware. They have recommended church and therapy. Insisted on it, in fact. Because I am "the problem child". Always sick or in pain or coming up short. I honestly wouldn't even blame them if they were just too tired in dealing with me. But still... very ouch.

hippiechica15 June 26, 2020

"Why is it that constantly being treated as a “safe, understanding” guy that “doesn’t mind being deprioritized” pisses me off so much in a dating relationship?" I mean, shouldn't that make you upset? Shouldn't you be shown and told that your feelings matter in a relationship? Because they DO matter even if the other party minimizes them.

I would def tell your parents how you feel.

Park Row Fallout hippiechica15 ⋅ June 26, 2020

Tragically, they know. Things like this come up, and I am told that I am "over dramatic" and "too sensitive." It is, apparently, my responsibility to be understanding and supportive and encouraging whenever I see another human or any life in need. A dog that needs to be rescued? I am required to understand that it's needs come before my own. Because that's how I was raised.

hippiechica15 Park Row Fallout ⋅ June 26, 2020

Well you are not wrong to stand and speak up for yourself when these events come up then.

Purple Dawn June 26, 2020

Why don't you ask them to bring the new pup over to see you too and tell them you could really use some company. Then plan a few things you could do if they will come? Let them know that you really need them for some positive time spent? They like many in this world right now are probably looking forward to something upbeat and fun to do. Take care,

Park Row Fallout Purple Dawn ⋅ June 26, 2020

Unfortunately, a dog whose temperament is unknown requires several weeks before it can interact with other dogs. Ultimately, though? They know what I am going through. They know well. Not only from me but from their Bible Study Group. Mom was just telling me how a friend of hers is praying "extra hard" because divorce is so painful and even more so with COVID restrictions.

Always Laughing July 03, 2020

sorry they did that

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