I'm ok with the wait now... in Weight Loss Surgery

nothing much going on.

This week is a 4 day week cause I took Friday (tomorrow) off for my birthday weekend.

Really I don’t care about doing anything for my birthday. I don’t hate it, I just hate attention. But this stems from a while back when my sis was complaining about having no friends, no where to go cause of covid and no time away from Emma and our mom.

So I told her to have our mom pick Emma up early and I would come and sleep over and we could drink and snack and chat, etc.

She ordered an art project (we’re painting wooden canvases) and even got special glitter to put in the paint and an outdoor sealant. She’s very excited about tonight.

I’m sure she’s making horribly delicious food and has drink supplies.

I told her I have diabetes. Maybe it was bad timing but I did just feel like.... I think sometimes she thinks my life is so great. And it is, it is MUCH easier than hers, but it makes her have to be the one to always converse about the bad going on her life and and rehashing things to death. I don’t have much to contribute since my everything is pretty boring and sane in my life.

So I told her so she had some drama other than her own to talk about. It’s just a convo starter so we’re not ALWAYS talking about her divorce or failing health.

I got more info about the meds she takes for anyone interested.

I think i stated before that she gained 100lbs and was at 250 by the time she had Emma. She got gestational diabetes somewhere within there. After Emma was born they were like, don’t worry, once you breastfeed it will all come off.

She had trouble breastfeeding, Emma had trouble eating and eventually she went to formula and never lost weight.

She said in a few short months after that she reach 275 and she was retaining water and just feeling awful with blood pressure problems and just a whole host of things.

The doc put her on Metformin first but it did nothing for her. No weight loss and wasn’t controlling her sugar. She had looked up enough about diabetes to know what to eat and not to eat and was being diligent with the numbers but for months her sugar numbers when testing were out of control.

So then the doc gave her Sandexa for the diabetes. You can’t get Sandrexa unless Metformin doesn’t work for you. The Sandexa is for diabetes but the side effect was weight loss through loss of appetite. Once she lost enough weight to get out of being diabetic they switched her to Victoza - which is the exact same drug with a different name. Sandex is for diabetes, Victoza is for weight loss, but they are the exact same drug.

Recently since she’s lost so much more weight and now is back to I think 155lbs they switched her to Ozempic.

I think that is also the same kind of drug but you only give yourself shots weekly. With the Sandex and Victoza you had to shot yourself in the stomach everyday.

For her height, and mine, I think they want you to be in the 140s and she said at one point she did get there but she felt she looked scarily thin and the loose skin was very noticeable and she didn’t like herself that way.

She told her doc that she wanted to stay in the 150 / 160 range and the doc said that is fine because self love in important too. My sis followed the rules, took all the drugs, got her blood sugar under control and lost the weight. The doc doesn’t care if she keeps on an extra 15lbs to love her body more.

So that’s her story.

As for me… I still haven’t even taken the metformin. And this weekend is gonna be a sugar fest. I just wanna see what the nutritionist says on Monday about it all before I maybe take this drug.

In other news, I finally told the girl E - the one who’s bigger than me with the hip issues - that I’m trying to get surgery.

It came out cause she was trying to get me to do some diet pills she recently discovered. She’s now on BEpic. She said it was taking her appetite away and she wanted to share the news. I told her that instead of pills or medicines I’m going for the surgery.

She said she hasn’t taken the surgery route yet because she doesn’t think it will stop her from eating.

Yes this surgery makes your stomach smaller so you can’t physically eat what you used to but your mind will still want all the bad foods in the bad portions.

You have to commit to eating better and smaller to keep your stomach small and it will become routine over time.

If you start going back to over eating from the start you’ll stretch your pouch out and never lose any weight or gain anything you did lose while your stomach was small.

So that’s why she doesn’t want to do it - she doesn’t think she’ll be in control of her mind enough to not ruin her new stomach.

What makes me think I can do it? I dunno - cause I want it bad. Cause I’m already in the habit of trying to lower my carbs. Because I have diabetes so it now seems more important than ever to stay on track.

But I will indulge for my birthday. So maybe if I KNOW I have diabetes and still eat sugar then I’ll do the same when I get the surgery and fuck it all up. I don’t know. But I’m going to try.

Actually I wanted this surgery yesterday but now I think it’s good to wait until after the holidays are over so I won’t have all the temptation.

I mean, if I get it in Jan then I still have to worry about V day but hopefully, Will being diabetic like me, he won’t go the box of candy route and then there’s not really any holiday to indulge in until June when everyone starts having birthdays.

And by then I’ll be months out and more in control of eating less sugar and more motivated by own weight loss - wow, how much will I weigh on my birthday? Maybe I’ll be down to my small goal of 220 which is the smallest Will has even seen me on my wedding day.

Last updated December 20, 2020