Monday Blues in I don't know what I'm doing

It’s been a very dreary, rainy Monday. I’ve felt tired and kind of off all day. It’s definitely the weather and the fact that I have been going to bed after 1 every night. I have got to go to bed earlier. I need more sleep to feel better during the day and not be as anxious.
Also, the guy I met on facebook dating hasn’t been very talkative today. I think he has just been busy with work and he had some other things come up, but my insecurities just take over. I am trying to control them and talk myself out of them but it is so difficult. I just have so many worries and stresses going on inside of me and I just want them to all go away.
I know there are just some things goin on inside of me and I need to get it taken care of, I am just very scared and not ready yet. The longer I wait the worse it will get, and more dangerous. I am just not ready. I am so scared. 90% of my anxiety and depression stems from this and if I could just deal with it and get it all out of the way I would be in the know and would feel so much better. I am just not ready yet. I am getting closer and closer… but not yet.
So many years I have not been able to give the best version of myself to anyone. It is so sad and totally my doing. I want to be that version of me. the me that was lost so many years ago. I’ve almost forgot who it was.
I mean, I will never be that person again, I have grown and experienced so much; however I would like to bring back the adventurous, happy, outgoing, energetic part of me, but a better, older, wiser version of it. I so badly want it.
I yearn to love myself, believe in myself. I want to learn to focus on all the good aspects of me and just acknowledge, change and let go of the negative aspects of me.
I have messed up my diet the past 2 days. I have got to get it together.
I can do this. I can be better. I will be better.