I may need new friends... in I don't know what I'm doing

I’ve had my friend group going on 10 + years now. We’ve been through many things together and they are typically always there when I need them, as long as I reach out. I just feel like I’ve always just been an afterthought for them. I’m never in their first thoughts. They have done many things without me and kept it a secret, so that I don’t get upset. So obviously they know it’s not okay. Today my 2 closest friends went on a walk, without me, knowing that I have been wanting to get out of the house and enjoy the weather. They even went to MY park where I have been going for nature walks for years to clear my head and have ME time. It’s my safe place. I went today after texting them both and getting no responses, so I decided to just go alone and enjoy nature and the nice weather. Well I see their cars there and they never responded to my message till way later. So they kind of put some bad ju-ju on my safe place. So now I gotta find a new one. I’m so irritated and hurt.
I’m just really fed up with being so alone. Everyone around me has someone. I’m just an after thought that everyone kind of forgets about. My mom lives a few states away and my dad has his own new family and his own problems, that I’m not even really part of. My friends have their partners, kids, and families that occupy all their time. I have no one to occupy my time or to worry about me but me, myself and I. I really do need to work on loving myself and loving time with myself, I have just felt lonely for a very, very long time. I’m really hoping I can get through this and I really wanna get better. I want to love myself better. Maybe I’d be easier to love and easier to be with. My relationships just never work and it’s a mix of me and the guys I choose. I pick the worst ones for sure. I get too desperate and go with whichever one shows me the most attention and forget about what I actually need.
As far as my friends go, I don’t know what their deal is. They never come over and they never really work me into much and I’m always the extra person. I typically feel grateful and happy I have them, my chosen family. Then sometimes, I wonder if I am just settling with them as well or maybe I’m just overly sensitive and make things a bigger deal than they are. I really don’t know.
I just know I am sick of being alone and not having anything to do or anything to look forward.