Another Blah Day in I don't know what I'm doing

It’s 10pm and I’ve been pretty productive today I guess, just wish I had some more social interaction. I’ve showered, cooked, cleaned, hung a couple shelves. My best friend dropped off some groceries for me since I still can’t drive or lift much due to my surgery. I’m so grateful to have such a good friend. She kinda just came and dropped it off and left in a hurry, I wish she could have stayed to hangout and what not. It would be nice if my friends would stop by to visit and hangout here. They always invite me to go to them when they are doing stuff but they never wanna come here. I invite them but it’s always bad timing. I’m kind of a neurotic clean freak but I think I’m a pretty good host and I allow them to make themselves at home, just don’t be messy. I think its easy to be clean and tidy and still be comfortable. Maybe that’s just me.
I could be reading one of the 5 books I want to start reading, but my brain requires more stimulation at the moment due to my anxiety. So watching tv and scrolling thru social media and writing this. The busier my mind the better I feel.
Being home everyday like this really reminds me how lonely I am. I really would love to have boyfriend to spend the day with and do things with and to watch shows and movies with and to cuddle with till I fall asleep. I love that. I just fall for all the wrong guys. The guys that really like me I just have no attraction to or interest in no matter how hard I try and all the guys I’m super into and get all giddy over have absolutely no interest me. It’s so frustrating. I’m hoping I have someone out there for me and he hasn’t gotten hit by bus an died or something. I try to remedy the loneliness by texting a couple of exes that I’m still friendly with and texting with the random guys I meet on Grindr and Facebook. No true connections but it’s better than nothing for now. It probably isn’t the healthiest thing to do but, here were are.
I’m catching up on the new remake of Dynasty on The CW, I like it. It’s very entertaining. I’m trying to find more things to watch on Netflix and Hulu, I feel like I’ve watched everything. I really want to watch something I really get into that passes the time and keeps me engaged. I’m not too picky on what I watch, I’m just picky about what I can actually really get into. I guess I get overwhelmed with all the options and my brain just shuts down.
That’s all I got for today. Feels good to have out of my head and onto the screen.
Namaste