Brother headed home in Torridaussity Two

Well my brother had to return home this morning, he just pulled out of my parking lot. I am sure I can manage taking care of my parents for now since my hours were cut, but it has been helpful having him here and to be honest I think I would probably have been way more lonely if he wasn’t here. The only reason he was here when all this happened was because of what happened to dad and the fact he was here before all the sheltering in place happened. For some reason I am crying over it and I don’t know if it is because times are so uncertain right now or what, but I never cry when he leaves. He is facing uncertainty when he returns home. He and his girlfriend of 6 years have been on a break and he is hoping when he returns she will have decided she wants to be with him. He wanted to marry her, but she has had some issues to deal with and doesn’t know what she wants anymore. It has been over a year and he has gone through the wringer and I know he is getting to the point that he will not wait for her any longer. She already told him he is free to be with someone else she won’t hold him back, but he hasn’t really dated anyone else and on the opposite side of that she is also free to do what she wants and he suspects there is someone else, but he isn’t sure of that. His life is full of life changing decisions that he is going to have to make soon. I pray that he comes out of everything well. I feel for him, this too is probably part of why I am crying.

It could partly be knowing that now all the care taking responsibilities are on me now. I am thankful my dad is almost back to himself, still not completely healed, but way better. My mom however is really bad right now. Her pain hasn’t been this bad for awhile, but she for some reason she isn’t using the medical marijuana like she can use it. She fears it I think like she does the pain pills she is on. I think she is afraid to use too much, which really isn’t the case. So I think my brother convinced her to use it more often and not to wait until her pain gets so bad she is in tears which is what she is forced to do on the pills because she only has so many she is allowed to take a day, and to use it as soon as she feels the pain returning.

It could be that the longer this new way of living goes on the more depressed and anxious I will become. My friend just shared an article on facebook about how anxiety and depression can manifest itself in different ways and I already knew some of them, but wow I had quite a few of the issues going on. I may seek out some sort of telehealth therapy if things continue to decline.

For now I am going back to bed since he and I were up late getting him packed and binging another episode of Hunters before he left and because I don’t work until 1 pm. Please take care all of you. Do you best to distance yourself, take care of your mental health, be kind to yourself and to others. Love you all.