blurred reality in Second 1st

So wrote a big entry yesterday, didn’t post it.... and my computer turned itself off last night and it’s gone.... no biggy. Some of it wasn’t worth reading. I complained about how I feel because I had to certify for unemployment which I haven’t had to do since 2009. .... I actually cried about it when Rocky got up because I can’t seem to get my brain to understand I’m not actually unemployed. Like somehow my brain thinks we are about to loose everything. Even though with the CARES act I should be getting something like $875 a week which can be drawn for 18 weeks and I only need 4-5 weeks at the moment....

I’ve paid May’s house note. .... and on the other side of that ugly coin we’ve bought things on the internet .... like $30 worth of tea from out fave tea place.

I bought a Nintendo Switch the 8th. i did not tell Rocky because I bought it from a store I’d never heard of. I was slightly afraid that I’d have to worry about ID theft so I downloaded a card app Rocky has where I can turn on and off being able to buy things. Turned my card off and now I just wait. The reason is because it was honestly abnormally cheap. If you get just the system from GameStop or Walmart it’s 300 the one I bought came with 3 games and was 128!.... guess I’ll have to wait and see.

When Rocky went to pick up his game the other day he asked the clerk about why the switch was sold out everywhere. The clerk told him that big companies aren’t accepting shipments from China.... So that an explanation. Pop up internet store I’d never heard off with amazing deal Shipping personal packages to rid themselves of shipments they can’t ship. I wonder how much it will effect the post....

About a month ago (probably more) Destiny was having trouble ordering something on Ali Express. So she sent me money and asked me to get it for her. Wondering where it was because it had been awhile I found that it had been returned to sender. I messaged the company and they are refunding me her money but they can’t ship it right now because of COVID restrictions.

So here I am all mentally bound up. Worried about being Unemployed (not really) and still spending money..... just to have something to do to try and get my mind off of not working?..... man am I ever messed up.

IT’S NOT EVEN TRUE. I go back to work at the beginning of May (if nothing changes). It’s strange.... there’s such a wall .... a block between my understanding of receiving unemployment and what’s happening in life....