Feeling The Luuuurve in Scottish Meanderings

I was away to write about the course I’ve been on run by the Scottish Recovery Consortium charity and thought some folk on here won’t know about the whole codeine thing so I’d better do an explanation. We all know I can’t summarise anything for toffee so I decided to do an actual entry on it which I’ve inserted a link to below instead.

The Codeine Story

So if you look at it as though I’m smoking - that’s the best analogy I can think of to show the level of addiction - it’s like I stopped smoking in October and bought a packet of fags in January then decided to stop once the packet’s finished.

That done but still having a major struggle with feeling crap on a daily basis, the sickness bug I got in the first week of College just floored me and I ended up buying another packet of tablets purely for relief. Took what I needed then pushed the packet to the back of the cupboard.

On Nikki’s birthday on the 9th March she planned a perfectly normal afternoon of treats - going into town shopping, then driving 15 miles to a little seaside town with a particularly famous ice cream shop where we could walk Trooper, then a trip to Pets At Home to get a cat flap for me, back to the house to fit it then out for tea somewhere.

I met her at 12.30 and by 2.30 I was absolutely exhausted and miserable.

We hadn’t taken Trooper into town with us so had to go back to the house to pick him up before our drive to Stonehaven and as I dashed into the kitchen to refill my bottle of water I felt angry at the whole thing, having to put a face on yet again and being unable to enjoy the afternoon like any other normal person.

I remembered about the tablets.

In a split second I’d swallowed 3 and 20 minutes later I started to enjoy the afternoon at last. It was a perfectly lovely day - not because I was high or elated or euphoric or anything - just because I had energy to cope with it, I could experience it properly and my spirits were lifted enough to enjoy it.

So then of course the dilemma!

I had to go back to College knowing I’d taken my drug of choice and as I sat through the Monday and Tuesday of that week, I felt awful at the deceit and realised I couldn’t continue with it. I e-mailed the girls from the SRC who were taking the course and explained what had happened, asking if I could withdraw at this stage. One of them, the Chief Executive, Kuladharini, e-mailed back and said yes of course, it was the right thing to do then went on to check that I had support of some kind in place etc etc.

So that was that.

I didn’t think I’d be too bothered to be honest and was mildly surprised to find I really really was.

On the following Sunday night I was very restless - couldn’t settle to anything - and woke feeling really down on the Monday, just wanting to be at College, feeling that’s where I should be.

The other girl who was running the course, Lesley, tried to phone me at 10.30 that morning but I missed the call so she texted to see how I was and also if she could pass my number on to Carol Ann who runs the Aberdeen in Recovery support group in Aberdeen (AIR). It was AIR who had got the folk together to go on the course in the first place so it was run partly through them but what I hadn’t realised was that Carol Ann had also vetted all the applicants.

When she heard what had happened with me she was absolutely incensed and tried to get hold of Kuladharini but she was off on a retreat somewhere so she got hold of Lesley instead and said there was no way I should be allowed to withdraw because the course was for people in recovery or working towards recovery so that would still include me. She phoned me at lunchtime to tell me all this and explain that she and Lesley had decided to overrule Kuladharini in this instance and wanted me to come back - that afternoon if possible!

I was so chuffed!

I baulked a bit at the coming back that day bit but said I’d be there in the morning and there I most certainly was - to receive the loveliest of welcomes, everyone expressing delight at seeing me back - in fact I got 4 hugs before I even got in the door from the smoking contingent who were outside having a quick fag before we started!

It was really nice and I realised what a lovely bunch of folk we all were and that we’d bonded so well as a group and that was really what I’d been missing more than anything else.

So I’m glad I can carry on now and be there for graduation on Tuesday (we’re only receiving Certificates but they try to make it a special occasion with decent catering, family and friends invited, photos & suchlike).

My next problem is trying to free up a Friday afternoon to go to the AIR support group because I work on a Friday - it’s the only day the place I work at isn’t manned so it was handy for me to cover that day. However I’m trying to persuade them that if I worked from home on Fridays I could spread my hours and do some in the evening - I’ve figured out how to access voicemails on our landline remotely and can access e-mail at home so it should be doable.

I’m not sure if it is a good thing I’m doing this course though - I’m not convinced I would have bought these 4 weeks ago!!

{Photo removed}

(Real Doc Martens retail for around £65 - £150 a pair - these were £6 in ASDA ...... go me ......)

Last updated July 22, 2017