say all the things in 2020

3/25/2020
4:01pm

Ok, let’s try this again. I’ve started at least a half dozen entries and not posted a single one of them. Apparently the last time I posted was 5 weeks ago and wow so much has happened. We’ll see if I can actually get this one done.

I do have the new laptop at home now. I purchased it back in December/January some time but have kept it at the office for work stuff. Now that I’m kinda working from home I have it over there. Perhaps it’ll motivate me to write more. I really think I need to pick this habit back up again. I’ve been so happy over the last nine months or so [thank you EC], but at the same time I feel like my head’s not fully on right. Like something is missing. My soul isn’t quite where it needs to be to truly and fully appreciate this joy.

The last couple of days I have had the thought that perhaps it has some thing to do with not writing as often as I used to. I might feel [mostly] happy but I’m not processing the way I would in the past. Not even the happy thoughts. Plus there is so much that I wish I would be documenting about EC and I that I know I am going to want to reread some day. As it stands, I’ve hardly said a word about the good or the [few and far between] bad moments. I need to dedicate more time to all of this. It’s not like I can’t carve out 10 or 30 minutes every few days to pour some thoughts out. I’m going to try better. It doesn’t need to be the world’s longest novel every time I write 🤦‍♀️

Maybe I should make a list of all the things I’d like to have down in writing before I permanently forget. Like this covid 19 stuff. Geez. It’s been wacky around here!!

I feel like that needs its own entry full of all the ups and downs I’ve been experiencing.

I probably need an entry on my health too, which has been a little rocky and I feel like is mostly to blame for my not being able to enjoy much over the last year.

With more time on my hands I want to finally finish cleaning out my room. I think we redid the floors, what, like 2 years ago? Ugh. I just want a clean shiny room I’m not embarrassed to show off. EC has actually never seen the inside of my room despite being at my house multiple times a week. I need to remedy that because I do actually want to show off my stuff. Like my pictures on the wall or my random knickknacks with all their stories. He should know these things about me. Especially if we might move in together some day. haha.

As a quick note, on Sunday he was over at the house and we were sitting outside bbq-ing. [It’s our new tradition to cook together on Sundays and make fancy dinners] Anyway, I don’t remember what we were talking about exactly, it seems kind of out of nowhere in my memory, when he suddenly said something like, “Mrs. Rose [my last name] - [his last name]” 😱 I started laughing and just made a joke about having a double last name and how it was very Mexican of me. Then we started messing around about different combos and I joked about him changing to my last name because it’s way better.

Honestly it was just a quick exchange, but it was so random. Like he must actually think about these things even if he hardly says them out loud? I know during the first few months he had several different people joke with him about how soon he was going to get engaged to me. The neighbour thought he was going to propose in December when we went to his company party [for whatever reason? I didn’t even think for a second that he would propose that day. haha] And I guess it’s just a little weird [not in a bad way] and random to hear him say things like that. Not that it bothers me. I’m just not the type to think about it.

April 1, 2020 2:51pm

Annnnnnnnd of course I never finished this. Ugh. I’m terrible! It’s just an added layer when I have to either go home and get on the laptop, which I never do, or save this draft to pull up on my phone and then open everything on there to copy/paste. I’m having enough difficulties just getting these things written.

This is good though. I’ll post this and keep trying.

rose.