Working My Nerve in Current Events
- March 30, 2020, 2:21 p.m.
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- Public
My nerves were shot this morning. I struggled with my depression all weekend which I should have seen coming as this happens after I experience high anxiety. What triggered that spike in anxiety was my shopping experience on Friday. I was dreading today because I was aiming to do my big haul. I knew it was going to be a stock day so I went there straight after seniors hour and made my way to a few stores to stock up on TP. There are five of us in this house so I’m not sorry about stockpiling. I absolutely needed to get there to get my prescription filled. Everything went pretty smooth if I do say so myself. There are no dried dates anywhere and I’ve been hunting them down for weeks. Ok, I’m not trying that hard. That’s my only drama for the day.
I have to tackle my resume and my finances today. Like, why do I let my anxiety take me away from that? Once I Netfile my taxes I’ll get a decent tax return and I’ll be good to go for a few months. I should be trying to apply for EI… I keep telling myself that I don’t qualify but I have nothing to lose by at least trying. My problem with my taxes is that I have to call CRA because I don’t know if I’m supposed to claim my RRSP’s even though I liquidated them later on in 2019? I have the receipts for them from the first half of the year and I don’t know if I’m supposed to claim that or not. I’ll just call them tomorrow first thing. Get that over with.
I’ve been over-exercising again. I don’t know what else to do. Also, I’ve been doing that toxic thing and looking at fitness models so that I can hate my body after. I put on a motivational speech video this morning because I’m lame like that and somebody said how vanity is not a bad reason to get into fitness. Just learn to fall in love with the process. I feel like that is what is happening. However, it’s a slippery slope for me to fall into obsession. Can I blame gay culture for my insecurities? No! I can’t… So yeah, I feel a lot better today but only because I don’t feel horrible. I didn’t let my depression slow me down too much on the weekend. I did get knocked off my ass for a few hours though and I just laid in bed. My mind was hurting, just my soul? lol ok, I’ll get on with it then
KissOfLife! ⋅ March 31, 2020
If you tried stockpiling at my work I'd have told you to get the f out haha. Jokes, we don't even HAVE tp most of the time.
Damn that depression. Do you do what I do and see it as a companion? Like I imagine it sitting on my shoulder (like and angel or a devil does - or maybe even tinkerbell if you prefer) and I acknowledge it like 'Oh hey... you again' and just keep on with my day, sort of like not fueling it until it gets bored of me and generally leaves for a while. I know, I'm weird :D I don't know your processes and stuff obvi, except for maybe looking for wild deer and being sassy :P
TL KissOfLife! ⋅ March 31, 2020
I'll try it your way next time. Bitch better not get lippy. I just ignore it like an ugly child and then overthink why did this happen to me?
KissOfLife! TL ⋅ March 31, 2020
When it gets lippy, the idea is to acknowledge it but don't fuel it (I know you'll want to be sassy back to the bitch). It was in my self-help book I read that time I was going to throw myself off of a ledge in 2018, and I myself forget to use it sometimes (like a few days ago) and have to remind myself because it generally works for me.