Down in Current Events
- March 29, 2020, 2:29 p.m.
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- Public
I’m really struggling with my depression today. It started yesterday actually and I can’t seem to shake it. I’m not thinking anything but I’m just feeling everything instead. If that makes sense? I’m not letting it make my choices but I do have habits that I have to be conscious about. A habit is a tendency and a tendency is an action that requires no nurture. I catch myself trying to listen to sad music. I catch myself scrolling through images of attractive men to torture myself with my insecurities. I’m craving alcohol. I seem to want to open my arms to these negative feelings and become consumed by them. Yesterday I managed to keep my promises to myself even though it was hard to force myself to do anything. I should have seen this coming as this always follows high anxiety. I’ll be okay. I’m just feeling trapped like everybody else right now. I went for a cute little 4km run yesterday. It took all day to build up to it. I just wanted to lay around and be a bum.
Speaking of bums. I was looking at transformation videos again and I came across this one. This kid took the words right out of my mouth. I am gagged because I would die to look like him and here is just as insecure and fucked up as I am. I’m also flustered because he’s so my type. That mouth yo lol. I haven’t been pushing myself hard enough on my fitness journey. Heck, I still haven’t even seen my face in the mirror all year. That’s one part imposter syndrome and two parts insecurity. Looking at my face has never been a good time… without filters and photoshopping. Man, if I could afford plastic surgery I would get this guys mouth. Anyways, I should go find something to do with my life today.
Edit
Apparently my depression is going to full send today. Learning about Italy’s status with COVID-19 broke my heart. They’re at the point where they’re taking seniors off ventilation to save younger victims. I also learned that we can catch COVID twice? What’s the use of a vaccine then? Man. I’m losing faith here
Last updated March 29, 2020
Swanny ⋅ March 30, 2020
That video was really enjoyable to watch. It was nice how casual he was about being so honest while being vulnerable at the same time.
What work out did you do today? I'm finding it so hard to be motivated but today I did chest. Tomorrow, arms!
TL Swanny ⋅ March 30, 2020
The 100 burpees, a half-hour run and then a heavier set of weights for my shoulders and then I burned out lol. The motivation part is my problem too. Motivation isn't going to happen so we have to be Nike and Just Do It.
Swanny TL ⋅ March 31, 2020
Nice work!!
KissOfLife! ⋅ March 31, 2020
Dayummmm kid! Your type is certainly easy on the damn eye! But you are also, so you could easily slide into this guy's DM's ;)
Soz to hear about the stupid Debbie-Downer hitting you. I wish I could understand it too. I just wanna slap the shit out of it's face sometimes. And it's so hard to even do shit right now to conquer it! Gah. I like your idea of looking at pretty Instagram models though - smart ;)