Indecision in My Life

Had lunch with my dad today. Filled him on things. He hadn't heard about how G missed our appointment a few weeks ago, he didn't know things were this bad. I explained what happened during our Monday session and that we did have a good talk Tuesday. And I left the conversation wondering what the heck to do. My dad, teary, told me that truly telling my brother and I that he and my mom were divorcing, was the worst day of his life and he wouldn't wish that on any. And there were hundreds of awful days following that. I told him what I told my mom, that I'm not thinking divorce would be fun and happy. That I have no qualms that being a single mom would be extremely hard, that seeing my children sad and struggling would be awful. And I asked the question I keep asking myself: is it worse for them to see two unhappy parents in the same house and grow up that way? or is it worse for them to go through divorce and then see two happy parents in separate households? I truly don't know. And he said something interesting. Because M (therapist) said individually we've both questioned if we're compatible and if this really can work, dad wondered if maybe G is just waiting for me to end the marriage because he can't. Wouldn't that be interesting. So, I decided after our talk Tuesday to give this the old college try one more time, and yet I wonder if it's really worth it. I guess it is; I took a vow. I'm trying to be less angry, less abrasive, more communicative. But if it takes THIS much effort....to just sit in a room and talk. I can't fathom any physical relationship. I can't fathom a normal marriage where it's really okay. Do marriages really come back from the brink? I don't know.