Spontaneity in 2020

10:51am

Well it definitely got a lot busier in here than I expected. It hasn’t really slowed down like it normally does after the 15th. I’ve had so much to say lately and no time to really put it together.

After I last wrote, I went to the neighbour’s on Saturday night to watch the fights. I’ve been working every day so I’ve been pretty exhausted. And I don’t remember every thing that I drank that night but I was pretty buzzed by the end of it. EC and I were sitting on the couch talking and I suddenly blurted out the idea of going somewhere to spend the night the following Saturday. We’d already planned to go south to the beach on Sunday since we wouldn’t really get a chance to celebrate Valentine’s Day on Friday. We were going to leave early and spend the whole day but I got it in my head that it would be better to go Saturday night after work, sleep there, and take advantage of our time on Sunday. We live almost two hours away so it made sense to my tipsy self.

Of course, no body will be surprised to hear that he jumped right on board. I love that he’s spontaneous like that and we can randomly do these things!

As a sidenote: I did get kinda weird and upset that same night because I’ve had this weird thing about the way he acts with an old friend of his. It was something about the way he was hugging her during his birthday last September. And honestly it was my fault that I never mentioned it to him. We’re normally way better at communicating. But it’s definitely my own self-esteem issues.
So anyway, that night they were talking about this girl and he said something about how he loved her but she was dumb. I don’t know. It hit me hard because of the aforementioned overthinking and the fact that he’s never said he loves me in front of his friends. It was stupid really but it killed me a little.
We should have cuddled on the couch that night after everyone left/went to bed but I couldn’t get out of my head. He was half asleep but he insisted on walking me home. That’s when I started crying in the driveway in the cold night air and told him why I was upset. Except I wasn’t explaining myself very clearly and he interpreted it as my just being jealous whereas I was just trying to say I was uncomfortable and it was my issue that I wanted to work on. But I said too much and probably shouldn’t have. I just love that we can be open and honest and I guess I took it too far.

Anyway, it was fine and he mostly seemed to understand by the time we parted ways and went to bed. The next morning he started texting me links to hotels to stay at and suddenly we were on the phone finalizing plans to stay the night at a motel in Morro Bay to celebrate Valentine’s Day weekend and my first Sunday off in 4 weeks.

It was all pretty unexpected and I hesitated on committing to something we couldn’t cancel but what the hell. He was really into it and I really wanted to spend the night with him too. We’ve only done it once before in December and it needed to happen again. I love having time where it’s just us since most of the time we spend together is around other people. It’s nice to get away every now and again. Our next scheduled overnight won’t be until May. His brother graduates from college on my birthday so we’re going to go stay out there. He also mentioned wanting to do something as soon as the season ends so maybe April-ish if we can swing it. Then of course we go to Puerto Vallarta in June and if the end of that month isn’t too crazy maybe we’ll go stay at the beach to celebrate our actual 1 year anniversary.

What seems so wild to me is that I have no doubts in my mind right now that we’re going to make it to that anniversary. Like zero hesitations. I think that’s an excellent sign!

I’m going to post this here and then continue a separate entry about the weekend. Too much for one I figure. Plus it’s like 11 at night. Haha.

rose.