Entries 34

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"It wasn't me" "Don't pull the Shaggy defence on me!"

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"What are you doing?" "I'm looking on Shakira's Facebook Page to try and find something. I swear she had a photo of herself holding a pug who was wrapped in the Colombian flag" "Wouldn't it jus...

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Conversation with Lena who (apart from from Catherine) is my longest serving female friend Me: "That one time we shared a hotel room together and we didn't even hook up" Lena: "Dude! We're best...

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"Freedom of Speech is the liberty to say what you like, not a freedom from any kind of criticism if the views you freely express happen to be ill thought out rubbish."

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"A Nuremberg of drapes, dry ice and stark lighting, where the powers that be force you to click through a series of online profile pictures before sending you on a blind date with your own body" ...

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Because... I'm Racist I'm pro-rape I prefer to work more hours for less pay, unpaid annual leave, no sickness benefits and no security against being arbitrarily fired I fear homosexual rain wiz...

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For the benefit of my American readers UKIP is our equivalent of your Tea Party. These were various reasons I decided I would vote for UKIP in the election we just had 1: As a Colombian I alread...

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"Watching Remembrance of the Daleks. Noticing that Joseph Marcell's scene is all about how his life got flipped, turned upside down..."

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Kira Taban: "I can hear the Prophets calling me Nerys" Me: "Why are they calling him by his daughters name?"

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Leslie: "Your nose healed fast" Me: "Probably because I lie so much"

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"If you burn horribly to death in flames or choke to death on the smoke I won't shed any tears but unfortunately I'm employed to legally ensure your safety"

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I like nicknames. I come from a culture (Colombian) where nicknames are common place. I know my Grandmother by a nickname and address most of my cousins by nicknames. Nicknames though can be both...

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Karen: "Do you remember the name of the book I recommended you read?" Me: "Erm, The Bible?" This is funnier if you know that my cousin is a proselytising Jehova's Witness

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"I bought [a book] at Foyles the other day. It was only three quid so it was practically free" "You really don't understand economics do you?"

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"I've got a little Indian in me" "You had sex with Andy?" "No! My Mum!" "Your Mum had sex with Andy?!"

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"Are you sure you're not gonna come to the restaurant?" "I've already eaten thanks" "Come for a drink then?" "Well.. I dunno, could I? That would be a bit weird if I didn't order food and then...

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"You like Cox?" "Well there's two Brian Cox's are there? There's the actor and then there's the scientist who's a lot taller so let me be clear that I like big Cox" "Yup and that Cox certainly ...

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This is a typical joke in Finland as told to me by my friend Juha. Two guys are sat in a bar in Helsinki drinking vodka. After 4 hours have passed one guy says "It's getting cold in here, shall ...

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Leslie and I are currently watching the BBC adaptation of Little Dorrit. Mr Clennam has just taken the titular heroine to a coffee shop {Onscreen}: "I have never been to such a place as this" ...

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"Sperm deleted!" I of course meant to say spam.

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"Did you really think the horse was gonna be manning a machine gun?" "Yeah of course! It's there in the title. War Horse. A Horse who fights Wars!" "Well he did kind of fight in the war" "Yeah...

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"What do you call those guys who play music in the tube station again? Busketeers?"

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"What would be the collective noun for a group of steam punk cosplayers?" "A contrivance?"

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"Siri, What DID the Fox say?" "THE WISDOM OF FOXES IS ANCIENT AND YOU SHALL NEVER KNOW" I was NOT expecting that!

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"Wars will come and wars will go but the sausage will go on forever" Leslie and I sometimes watch Yesterday (the UK equivalent of the History Channel) and they often air news reels and propagan...

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