Radiate
Entries 75
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Out on a walk, feeling pretty good in Glowing world
Today Kenny and I went for a nice hour long walk, and I got to have a video chat with Tom for a while this morning. This means I showered, got dressed, and put on makeup. It’s amazing what little...
Coronavirus affecting daily life, and enter Pagan studies in Glowing world
Wow, ok. So, there are major cities on lockdown. People can’t leave their homes for anything other than “essential” things like groceries and the doctor. Bars, restaurants, nightclubs, retail sto...
Maybe late August, fuckboy in Glowing world
I’m going to teach at Mission Fusion tonight. Brent will be there. Svea knows that Brent and I have a history. Which I’m glad about. She’s determined that she’s going to move on from him now, wh...
Better but still anxious about who knows in Glowing world
Kenny and I just saw Cirque de Soleil last night. It was nice, but pretty cold in there. It was nice to go on a date date. Brent is now talking to me again, which I like. He was mad because I di...
Scheduling gratitude in Glowing world
I’m trying not to get overwhelmed. I’m trying to improve everything, because my standards are higher than they used to be. I’m taking steps to get a new job so I have a career so that I have fina...
Friendship garden in Glowing world
Some friendships are like flowers. They need time, nourishment, and should be appreciated. They might bloom once and be done, or they might come back seasonally. I love them, but I don’t depend o...
Kenny birthday in Glowing world
Kenny’s birthday party went well. It’s funny, Izi, Brent, and Svea weren’t there. It’s interesting to see who will and won’t show up for you and when. My cake was amazing. People from where I us...
Baby's first 5K in Glowing world
Things are becoming more comfortable here. Instead of spending 4 or 5 hours cleaning and putting things away, I’ve set aside 25 minutes a day. 25 minutes for whatever cleaning chores there are, w...
Good sex, keep him. in Glowing world
Kenny and I had amazing sex yesterday, thank god. Really lovely. I actually didn’t come, but I came three times with him like a week ago with his help, and it was just really nice to see him so h...
Why I'm in Al-anon in Glowing world
I’m here because I’m figuring out how to deal with my family. I grew up always comparing myself to my brother. What terrible thing was he doing now? How could I do the opposite? I always thought...
Untouched in Glowing world
Kenny and I haven’t fucked in weeks. Not since before Christmas. His leg freaked out, and then last night his boner went away. He said he was trying not to analyze why. I don’t know what’s wrong....
Al-anon feeling sorting in Glowing world
I’m here because I feel worried. I felt helpless. Annoyed. Frustrated. Angry. Jealous. Resentful. Guilty. Panicked. I hoped that this group would help me fix my brother. That it would help me inf...
Christmas Eve Eve in Glowing world
Gingerbread house dough is chilling in the refrigerator. Kenny’s eating tortelli at the table next to me. Hobbes is on my lap on the Star Wars blanket. I just had two pieces of quiche lorraine fr...
I asked Brent for dinner, the next day he met his "future" in Glowing world
I’ve been losing sleep trying to figure out Brent’s behavior. I can’t tell if he’s a heartless fuckboy who just manipulates me so that he gets whatever he wants from me that I have to offer… or w...
Dear Dad in Glowing world
My therapist Shannon agrees with me that you and I have a pretty neat relationship. She thinks that writing you this letter will be a good exercise for me, because she wants us to shine up our re...
Liking Meds. in Glowing world
I’d say that they’re working. The meds, I mean. I’m not yelling at my brain anymore. It’s quiet. I have so much more time now. Picking out clothes isn’t a struggle. Making three phone calls in a ...
Meds soon in Glowing world
I feel like I have to withhold judgement until I have my consultation for meds on the 16th. I don’t know if they’ll help. They might. I literally feel like being alive is a favor I do for other ...
High. Brent, Zella daydream in Glowing world
Brent is going to a wedding with his ex wife tomorrow. I’m jealous at how much he loves his wife. I wish Ian had tried. Seeing him try to get back with her is both endearing and insulting. And di...
Enter Brent and soon meds in Glowing world
A few things have happened! Brent and Yalda broke up because he’s so intense and trying to get over his wife. A few weeks later, we had sex, and that was really fun. Kenny and I are both in couns...
Brent's happy, I'm fiiine in Glowing world
Brent and Yalda have told each other that they are “falling for each other.” Yaaaaaay. Meanwhile we’re still being friends. He told me that we have a lot to catch up on, and that it should be in ...
Brent and Flirty in Glowing world
I had a dream about Brent last night. He’s a pretty male dance instructor that I work with, and we have flirted a bit. There was one week when he was feeling particularly bad about his divorce, a...
Christmas Eve in Glowing world
I’m sitting naked in Kenny’s living room, listening to Ziggy Marley. Kenny’s playing video games, red and golden beets are roasting in the oven, and we both have cinnamon tea. Out the window I ca...
Better after Folsom in Glowing world
Things are inexplicably better. I baked Ziti at Kenny’s house, and when there was 20 minutes left, he went down on me until the timer went off. It was awesome. He was gleeful, and beautiful. Ther...
High Low in Glowing world
I keep trying to think of ways to sedate myself. Nothing’s wrong, not really. I’m just really good at being anxious. I’m not very good at drinking. I just tried Kenny’s vape and it was lovely. K...
Cozy in Glowing world
I’m so cozy! Kenny is looking for new music, I’m on my laptop in his room. It’s pretty lovely. Last night I had a nice game night birthday party, and Dakota, Andew S, Christina M, Elizabeth I, he...
