I asked Brent for dinner, the next day he met his "future" in Glowing world

I’ve been losing sleep trying to figure out Brent’s behavior. I can’t tell if he’s a heartless fuckboy who just manipulates me so that he gets whatever he wants from me that I have to offer… or what.

Articles on the internet say that thinking about Brent during sex is probably a defense or coping mechanism for not being intimate with Kenny. That I’m probably bored or angry with him, so I’m using thoughts of Brent as an escape. Sounds about right.

I’m angry that it’s taken him this long. I’m angry that I had to threaten to leave in order for him to give me a date for when he’d have me move into his house for a week. I’m angry that he doesn’t make plans with me, that I’m the one who initiates. I’m angry that I’d never know for sure that he wants me and I’m not just bullying him.

Why is Brent an escape? Because for 4 days a week, he’s acted excited to see me. We hug. We catch up. He dances with me, and is excited to. He talks to me all day. He encourages me. He refused to go out to dinner with me because he was afraid of getting too attached and that he would be frustrated that he couldn’t have all of me. I’m frustrated that Kenny has the opportunity to have all of me, and neglects me instead.

I couldn’t fuck last night because I’ve put up barriers on myself against hoping for weekday sex with him. I couldn’t fuck last night because I’m angry it took a crying phone call for him to invite me over. I’ve been disappointed so many times when I wanted to have sex more often, that it’s hard to believe or understand that it’s happening on a day that isn’t Sunday. I don’t trust it. It doesn’t seem real.