Bettie Page Sweats Cheap Vodka
Writer. Reader. Inadvertent cheater of death. Your lover with too much eyeliner on.
Maybe that's what we look for all our lives, the worst possible grief, to make us truly ourselves before we die. Louis-Ferdinand Céline
Entries 85
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THERE’S JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM in Poetry
Stone Temple Pilots is playing here next month Their song Interstate Love Song used to mean something to both of us I desperately want to call you and invite you to go see them But Scott Weiland...
YOU’VE BEEN DEAD TWO YEARS in Poetry
On March 26, Alex will have been dead 2 years already. It seems impossible that it’s been that long–yet in other ways, it feels like he’s been dead for much longer. I guess, in a way, he was dea...
Empty Handed at the Table in OD OG
ebruary 27, 2022 Previous: Rowan’s Birthday Letter- Age 7Next: Weather Report: High Chance of Snowflake Empty Handed at the Table When it comes to the rose, if I can just hold onto memory of the...
Rowan's Birthday Letter- Age 7 in OD OG
As many of my longtime readers know, I write letters to my children on their birthdays. I send the letters to an email account I’ve created–with the intent of turning over the username/password ...
All Honey, No Vinegar in The Alex Era
Yours is a haunting that I can’t seem to let go of. It was our anniversary on the 8th. Or would’ve been. I don’t know. I’m never sure if anniversaries exist for widows. Estranged widows at that...
A weekful of long Mondays, day after day of cloud cover…that gray umbrella, alienating me from the sun… On Monday, while I was at work, I got a call from my ex telling me he was going to the ho...
Let Us Keep Our Headphones On in OD OG
Recently, a friend shared an article giving advice to men on how to approach a woman wearing headphones. The content was exactly what you would expect. Some man telling other men how to approach...
The Crushing in OD OG
May 9, 2021 My life is currently full of Heres that I don’t want to be in. I don’t want to be here, in this house, mothering these kids, at this age, in this mental state, and/or alive. Perha...
The Plot & the Soundtrack in The Alex Era
Yesterday, I had to work until 7:30 pm by myself. I was the only one in the building. Because it was quiet, because there was time, something settled into me. I thought about how, for the first ...
ALEX & THE BULL in Poetry
I keep dreaming about a bull in New York City- you are also there, still alive. We are trying to recreate that trip we took to NYC some years back from a time when you still loved me and wanted ...
This is a rewrite of an old poem. SESSION Q. What are the colors? A: Swipes of your green plaid flannel– like comet tails trailing across the white of my tank top. Red as brilliant as a scarle...
God’s Scissors in OD OG
I am going to die. Even though I’m only about 6 years old and my life has barely started, I am certain of it. His hand of burred skin already covering my mouth and nose, he leans hard on my win...
Seymour Glass was scarred by touching things he loved a lemon-yellow blemish left on his hand from the hem of his first love’s dress that he grabbed as she ran by A precious pink pockmark from t...
Strong, Unbreakable Threads in OD OG
By the time I pulled into the parking lot, he was already there waiting for me in his car. The apologies start walking down the red carpet of my tongue. I’m sorry I’m late, I’m sorry. I got out...
All I have to show is affection so small in the face of what I feel that it’s more like a growth on something than an actual something itself A spore on the frond of a fiddlehead fern A freckle ...
The Snap of Your Mighty Fingers in Dramedy
After I killed the first baby Alex & I made, I prayed to get pregnant all the time. I thought that if the prayer was answered, it would prove God didn’t hate me…that he wasn’t going to punis...
I slept with him again. After declining months of his invitations dressed up as come-ons, I finally gave in. I don’t know why. Like many other times before, he told me he was passing through to...
It’s Been a Real Slice in OD OG
Mostly it has been a succession of scattershot days dragged through a dark & muddied sludge of depression. Due to this, this entry will be a cheap, threadbare little update. For me, the hol...
Mental Scraps in OD OG
If you haven’t read the previous entry, start there. This won’t make much sense otherwise. This is probably more for posterity anyway, as it is just more information regarding Ryoko & that s...
Albatrosses in All Shapes & Sizes in Dramedy
Hello, kids. I’ve got a triple shot of vodka, that I’m calling a double…Can feel my bloodstream sigh out its relief as it hits. I have been cutting back on drinking the past couple weeks—aside f...
Turn Out the Lights & Merge in OD OG
I saw you yesterday and you didn’t even know it was me. I was leaving Wal-Mart…My skirts swishing around my legs like the rinse cycle, as I am navigating my way to the door, pushing my cart. It ...
My Daughter the Mountain Goat in OD OG
Because I struggle to sometimes connect with my daughter, I write her letters that I send to an email account I set up for her. I will give her the password some day when she is older… Dear Bri...
That’s What She Said in Dramedy
This past weekend I went shopping and single-handedly jump-started the economy with one slow waltz down the baby girl clothing aisle. You’re welcome, America. You are so totally welcome. I’m sor...
(For KM) Drunk and holding onto it, after seeing a picture of you & your vanilla girl. Hard to imagine her saying anything unscripted or ever having need for a diary. So that’s what you wer...
“’It tastes like liquorice,’ the girl said and put the glass down. ‘That’s the way with everything.’ ‘Yes,’ said the girl. ‘Everything tastes of liquorice. Especially all the things you’ve waite...
