Bettie Page Sweats Cheap Vodka
Writer. Reader. Inadvertent cheater of death. Your lover with too much eyeliner on.
Maybe that's what we look for all our lives, the worst possible grief, to make us truly ourselves before we die. Louis-Ferdinand Céline
Entries 85
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Active Volcano in OD OG
My bird-like wrist bones are being twisted as he shoves my arm up behind my back. I was so close, inches away from getting out, getting away. But now, here I am, my body being forced to accommod...
The Gift of No Longer Surviving Out of Spite in OD OG
I’m posing a recent email I wrote to the therapist I used to go to in college…Somehow, despite doing my best Will Hunting routine (now with 99% less mathematical genius!) back when I was client ...
3 SHORT POEMS FOR MY SWEETHEART WHO IS SICK in Poetry
i. My lover is sick and it has finally sunk in that we may be writing a sonnet and not a tome There may be less words in our piece, but I am lockjaw determined that every single one will be u...
EVERY SINGLE DAY in Poetry
EVERY SINGLE DAY Your nest gets knocked down by the landlord’s children with one hasty swipe of their straw bear claw Leaving the remnants of a party on the porch floor streamers of trash and h...
Digging to China, Standing Upside Down in OD OG
The tunnel is long, the light so small it’s hard to even see. It hardly makes sense to keep walking towards it. I just want to be still… in the dark. My dad is home after his terrible accident...
Growing Up With Abuse Present in the House in Poetry
GROWING UP WITH ABUSE PRESENT IN THE HOUSE is like being given a gun to defend yourself but the chambers are loaded with nothing but I’m sorries where the bullets should be
Wild Wolves Always Stare Me Out in OD OG
Nearly a year since he’s been gone… The other night I was thinking about the story of Lobo the Wolf…I am not sure where Alex first learned of the story. Its actual invention was many, many year...
Bridget's Birthday Letter- Age 12 in Dramedy
As many of my longtime readers know, a few years ago, I started an email account to hand over to Bridget when she turns 18. I send the account letters & pictures throughout the year–and one ...
The Start of Our Beautiful Everything in OD OG
An unfinished entry I started writing about Chris’ visit in December 2023…. I’m sure that annual holiday depression robbed me of the rest of my words that were needed to complete this entry… But...
LIFE: NOW WITH EVEN MORE WAYS TO BREAK YOUR HEART in Poetry
LIFE: NOW WITH EVEN MORE WAYS TO BREAK YOUR HEART (For R. For K.) Even though she has already moved out, the light on her side of the couch where she used to read at night, is still named after...
"These Are My O.R. Scrubs." "OH, ARE They?" in Dramedy
Freshly turned 40, I’m sitting here in my whimsical flamingo pj’s (that were a gift from a certain ex-boyfriend’s not-at-all-whimsical mother) with a gaping golf-ball sized hole in my side. If yo...
Breaking Fingernails Off on Hardwood Floor in OD OG
It’s funny… Usually when you wake up on the living room floor with your nails all jaggedly broken off, you would be looking around for the culprit. For me, it’s as simple as remembering back to w...
Perfecting Your Memory in The Alex Era
I am surprised to turn and find you in the passenger’s seat as I drive home from my date. There’s many reasons why I’m startled to see you there. For one thing, you weren’t with me on the way the...
Like Thread Passing Through a Needle in OD OG
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about this quote I underlined in Journey to the End of the Night by Louis-Ferdinand Celine…The best thing to do when you’re in this world, don’t you agree, is t...
I slept with him again. After declining months of his invitations dressed up as come-ons, I finally gave in. I don’t know why. Like many other times before, he told me he was passing through town...
The Attempt That Was Made in OD OG
i. ryoko you weren’t even talking to me by the time i tried to kill myself that year. the first push happens around my birthday, when, for reasons unknown, your boyfriend, colin, dumps you uncere...
God's Scissors in OD OG
I am going to die. Even though I’m only about 6 years old and my life has barely started, I am certain of it. His hand of burred skin already covering my mouth and nose, he leans hard on my windp...
Thumbprint in The Alex Era
You never cared for Salinger, but for me, his books are my religion and my ballast. I return to them again and again when I feel lost in circumstances. You must’ve watched me re-read them at leas...
It Wasn't Me, I Wasn't Even There in OD OG
If anyone asks…it wasn’t me. I wasn’t even there. My defense….my paltry, paltry defense…my cage of denial. Went out to spend the weekend with that guy I went on a date with…Before I even went, I ...
Fireworks vs Shrapnel in OD OG
“You’re so easy.” I hate that he says that to me…but, ironically, it’s the way he’s gotten me undressed the fastest. A crack of a cap gun at the start of the race. A bugle call for the sun coming...
An Interruption of My Reverie in OD OG
I am standing in the kitchen of a cottage I don’t recognize. The kitchen is a rich blue with pops of yellow gingham. Daffodils in a cobalt vase. Curtains that actually complement the walls. Coppe...
The Burlesque Dance of Relationships in OD OG
Last night, he offered me his arm to hold. We were on the street in a white out. I grabbed on, as we slid our feet over sidewalks greased with the sludge of the people who shuffled there before ...
Something Disappointing This Way Comes in Dramedy
So I put my foot back in the dating pool…and I survived. Not sure what else I accomplished besides survival….which is my usual MO…Survival and not a whole helluvalot else… but hey, not ending up ...
Dandelions Growing Through the Cracks in OD OG
“Please, mom, don’t let me get shot-I don’t want to die yet.” My 8 year old begs me this as we are running to the exit of the mall. The crowd blurs around us. I can’t pick out individual people-o...
Benadryl Pairs Nicely with a Crisp Chardonnay in Dramedy
Found this old entry saved on my laptop from another site I was using in OpenDiary’s hiatus. (4 years is still considered a hiatus, right?) What can I say, after OD, I used to blog around. For a ...
