Entries 3,460
Page 138 of 139
2/25 Barrage
1.) The actors could no longer make love without extensive role playing. They knew what this was. Thespian Bed Death. 2.) It's a stage version of the Nickelodeon teen-com HEY DUDE. It's called T...
2/24 Barrage Part 2
1.) The future's gonna be just like the present but with more Cyclops visors. But hey. Free Cyclops visors. 2.) Someday heavy metal will have its own space programme and on that day, we will sen...
2/24 Barrage
1.) After whatever apocalypse we finally get, there's gonna be a trend in movies about the now, the "pre-apocalyptic" fad. 2.) Enough longshots accumulated probably add up to one real shot, righ...
2/23 Barrage
1.) How does Dr. Who fix ridiculous conspiracy theories? With his Masonic screwdriver. 2.) In preparation for the oncoming timestorm, the Causality Police are mandating alternate-dimension parki...
2/22 Barrage
1.) I hope someday we'll discover real trolls & they'll have an anti-defamation league opposed to calling internet trouble makers "trolls". 2.) My go-to flipping-of-the-bird involves pretend...
2/21 Barrage
1.) snarkasm: enthusiasm that becomes retroactively either sincere or mocking depending on whichever makes the snarker look better 2.) If I was falsely imprisoned, I'd change my last name to Glu...
2/20 Barrage
1.) I don't know if I'll ever do a pop-culture review thing but I know that if I ever do, I wanna call it "Fair Use". 2.) The term "zombie" is not politically correct. The preferred nomenclature...
2/19 Barrage
1.) I'm an acquired taste... like whiskey or Eraserhead. Or like whiskey AND Eraserhead. 2.) Hanging on is actually incredibly easy. It's in our instincts to stick to our guns. Letting go is so ...
2/18 Barrage
1.) Reverence is the death of comedy. 2.) Nothing screams "cultural relevance" like U2. If it is twenty years ago and you are A Boring Person. 3.) They're a frat that initiates via drinking goa...
2/17 Barrage Part 2
1.) I'm 310 pounds of sexy in a 250 pound bag, I say. 2.) "...and when you saw only one set of footprints, that's when I jumped on your shoulders and had a chicken fight with the Devil for fun."...
2/17 Barrage
1.) The Pillsbury Doughboy arrested for the soliciation of doughnut hos. 2.) You can play Hide And Go Seek with the universe all you like. When you open up your eyes again, there is it. It's lik...
2/15 Barrage Part 2
1.) Maybe they just think they're werewolves because their whole childhoods they were told they were "a little Husky". 2.) Corner the nerd ice cream market with a flavour called Pocky Road. You ...
2/15 Barrage
1.) As oligarchic corporations kill local and livable jobs with short-term discounts, we bargain-shop ourselves back into serfdom. 2.) You are not who you were. You are a parade of living & ...
Valentines' Barrage
1.) An episode of FAMILY GUY where Peter has amnesia so nothing can remind him of a time something happened so it's just 22 min of silence. 2.) 83% of all science fiction stories from the 1950s ...
2/13 Barrage
1.) If you think about it, in Super Mario Brothers, change is always in the air. 2.) The best cosplay ever would be a meta-cosplay of Doctor Girlfriend cosplaying as Doctor Who. STEAL THIS IDEA,...
2/12 Barrage Part 2
1.) Porky's attempts at apology were inevitably ham-handed. 2.) A pity-sex-enabling phone app called Nerds In Need. 3.) You know you're edging toward old when you're starting to think Calvin's ...
2/12 Barrage
1.) "Bite my chalky off-white ass!" is the well-known catchphrase of Benderman. 2.) He would fall asleep while snitching on people about drug deals, leading to a diagnosis of narconarcolepsy. 3...
2/11 Barrage
1.) A cross between a tambourine and brass knuckles, somehow. 2.) All placed up and nothing to dress for. 3.) A story where it turns out the super-villains are the real heroes, there to distrac...
2/10 Barrage
1.) I'm wonderful at advice for anyone except myself. It's some kind of self-reflective Cassandra Complex, I guess. 2.) A fat hairy Aerosmith cover band called Bearosmith. 3.) Fate is just conf...
2/9 Barrage
1.) The next time someone is passive-aggressively jealous of you just say "Do you need some peanut butter to go with all that JELLY?" 2.) A man with hockey hair picking apples and the caption "W...
2/8 Barrage Part 3
1.) Ollie the Dog is obsessed with placing his feces in the exact arrangement of places. He's into dung shui. 2.) I don't always internet meme... but when I do... internet meme. 3.) We'll beat ...
2/8 Barrage Part 2
1.) What no one points out about the Nye-Ham debate that can heal our torn nation: they were BOTH wrong for using Mac laptops. 2.) De Beers Diamond Cartel: We Put The "Gem" In "Hegemony"! 3.) P...
2/8 Barrage
1.) Fawning exoticism of the other can be just as damaging as negative stereotyping. Hell, in the long-term, it can be worse. 2.) "I hate that Bella Swan," she muttered, "she thinks she's God's ...
end of Open Diary barrage
1.) You know what's a bad idea for a game? "Gungans and Dragons". 2.) In Soviet Olympic skiing, country crosses YOU. 3.) Any weird diet that involves calorie restriction will work BECAUSE OF TH...
2/6 Barrage Part 2
1.) Apparently, "Flappy Bird" is some trendy mini-game and not an obscure British insult, which disappoints me. 2.) I don't youtube Let's Play but if I did my purposely-surreal nickname would be...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
