Entries 3,481
Page 134 of 140
725
1.) I want there to be Pokemon Young Earth Creationists and Old Earth Creationists, opposed to Pokemon evolution in different strange ways. 2.) If forced to choose a favourite locust rap song, I...
723
1.) Oh there's a ten in the MORNING now? How nice for you. 2.) My favourite progressive gangsta rap group is definitely Death Row Tull. 3.) We feed our Cthulhu only the best Tendril Vittles. 4...
the weakest barrage of all
1.) Look, sometimes get unions get corrupt but it's worth it if it means businesses can't get away with goddamned everything, okay? Jeez. 2.) Is a lack of a strategy better than a bad strategy? ...
719
1.) No sleep til Brooklyn? Brother, I don't sleep well either way. 2.) You know what I want? A Cards Against Humanity expansion written by Brian Eno. I feel like he'd have interesting things to ...
718
1.) I want an insane level of Fanta product placement in the Fantastic Four reboot. Minutes holding on The Thing just staring lovingly at a can. 2.) A zoo whose billboards proclaim "no credit or...
716
1.) Abandon all hype, ye who enter here. 2.) Working clean is like playing baseball with one hand tied behind your back. Yes, it's possible but it's also half-assed and awkward at best. 3.) The...
715
1.) Dear Joss Whedon, if we meet Captain Hammer's dad in DR HORRIBLE 2, he needs to be played by Bruce Campbell. 2.) That sigh of relief when you hear the new Al Yankovic and find he didn't get ...
714
1.) So far ATTACK ON TITAN has taught me that the Japanese see us as giant rampaging smiling monsters that they must become more like to defeat. 2.) Is there anything more delusional than what a...
713
1.) If you ban the Catholic Church, all it's going to lead to is dangerous back-alley absolutions. 2.) Bob Seger is the official soundtrack to going to high school football games in your thirtie...
712
1.) Pink's is only worth it if for some reason your hot dog is enhanced by looking at a Jay Leno autograph while waiting in line for it. 2.) The Legion of Superheroes is the dumbest comic idea e...
710 pt 2
1.) Dufresne in the storm drain/DUFRESNE IN THE DRAIN!/Dufresne in the storm drain/ANDY DUFRESNE IN THE STORM DRAIN! 2.) Step One: Find A Farmer Named Andre. Step Two: Sell His Product As "Beets...
710 (300th PB post)
1.) That player who would be great if he got all his talent in order but no team wants to have him while he's working on it? He is my analogy to my dateability. 2.) Joe Tehan's kids will be look...
78
1.) As Apu finally realized, sometimes you can't get things right until you return to the site of your spiritual depantsing. 2.) I hope Richard Kiel lives a long fruitful life but, when he does ...
77
1.) Crop circles are just bored farmers walking on boards all night in their fields. But, really, it is even more lovely that way. 2.) Floyd "Time" straight into "Hotel California", huh? Radio g...
7.5
1.) I mean, Dubya-Step must exist as a genre, yes? 2.) Whatever you write, you indirectly write about yourself. Unless you writing directly about yourself. In that case, find a strong metaphor. ...
7.4
1.) Indie rock bands live on twee lime pie. 2.) Bottom feeding. Squid tested, mollusk approved. 3.) Do the Chinese get offended when a big action movie has a couple token scenes in China to mak...
6.29
1.) He was the flashiest sexual-reassignment surgeon in the world. Everyone said he really knew how to make an entrance. 2.) In a rare simultaneous case of Stockholm and Jerusalem Syndromes, she...
6.27
1.) Polo would have a lot more cross-cultural appeal had they just called it "horse hockey". 2.) We'll tie our hair back w/ lobster claw bands salvaged from the dumpster of a four-star restauran...
6.26
1.) Broken toys are fine but only if they're broken honestly. Going around, pre-broken for the sake of fashion, ain't nothing there. 2.) You are reading these words typed into a little box by a ...
6.25
1.) The nightmare about trying to go back to work at APAC out of desperation and then having a nervous breakdown in the cubicle after a week, ripping my own pants off in a fetal ball on the floor...
6.23
1.) In short, I think my dreams lately have been my subconscious mind telling me that the paths not taken in my writing and work would have just ended up silly or wasteful and so I should not reg...
6.21
1.) There are times I feel like early Supergirl, a secret last-ditch plan kept under wraps until some crisis, chafing under the restraint. 2.) The point when A.I. can be even more sick of "White...
6.20
1.) Ah, for the life traveling from town to town, selling self-expression for a week or two and then moving on. The life of an art carney. 2.) A porno version of "Hitchhiker's Guide" would have ...
6.17
1.) A good mash-up of COLD TURKEY and SWEET JANE would probably fix many of history's problems. 2.) Those who hold doors don't get in first. This isn't an argument against holding doors, this is...
6.14
1.) I just want to be treated well and not be bored. Give me those two things and I'll probably follow you to the ends of the Earth. 2.) The story in reverse: God creates a disaster in hopes of ...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
