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Page 118 of 139

1.) I think I’ll start calling myself an Indoorsman. 2.) A brand is a scar burnt into a living thing to prove that something else owns it. Why would you ever want to be a brand? 3.) The “basic bi...

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1.) Doctor Julian Bashir just wanted to holodecks and Trill. 2.) A Halloween Prince parody “Little Dead Corvette”? 3.) What if you could convince Freddy to try and kill you with gold bars and the...

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1.) The growing common usage of “squad” for “group of friends” goddamned unnerves me. Does everything gotta be a war analogy? 2.) Just like a Batman, bringing a boomerang to a gunfight and winnin...

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1.) In this dream, I was dead and in heaven but I witnessed people ruining heaven by introducing currency. Yeah. 2.) Oh boy, another GOP candidate releasing a statement. All Aboard The Pander Exp...

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1.) The corollary to Rule 34 is “if it exists on the internet, there is drama about it.” 2.) The first time I ever heard of Power Bar I hoped it was where superheroes went to unwind and I’ve been...

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1.) A re-boot of “Cow and Chicken” except with a dog called “Chicken and Woofles”. 2.) A meme called “Raul Julia Louis-Dreyfuss” where they are inserted into each others’ signature television and...

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1.) When a monster that lives off orchestra conductors passes the baton, he REALLY passes the baton. 2.) Instincts are almost always wrong but it seems like logic’s even worse. Maybe better to go...

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1.) When they explained how the guy who bit someone on a plane was ODing on coke and NOT a zombie, so many people were disappointed. 2.) The introspective melancholy is at Def Con Magnolia Soundt...

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1.) Funions should sponsor the hell out of science in exchange for getting the next fundamental particle named after them. 2.) I love it when youtube “celebrities” call the people that they’re tr...

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1.) The Trojan Centaur. When they check the horse, assuming it’s full of warriors, it’s empty… then our troops come pouring out the man part. 2.) Write a book about the trope of Adam and Eve dres...

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1.) The poster seems to suggest “Stars Wars Episode 7: Maybe If We Just Put Everything Ever In It People Will Forget The Prequels”. 2.) The 2nd person to wear sunglasses, right after they were in...

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1.) A centaur still eating oats from a bag on his face because he’s really lazy. He walks to a McDonalds drive-thru, they strap it right on him. 2.) Four centaurs in a park tossing sneakers at a ...

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1.) A Steam game about frat boys with randomized levels called “Brocedurally Generated”. 2.) Start calling soccer “kick hockey”. Convince a child that tampons are “mommy’s special cigars”. Plant ...

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1.) One thing that carries over from my (ancient, now) formal training in screenplay into poetry is conflating multiple real events into one narrative or image for maximum effect. It’s not someth...

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1.) You always have a choice. You don’t always have a perfect choice but you always have a choice. 2.) We’re these tangles of identities & needs to teach us we’re all each a little different,...

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1.) Locavores only eat locally grown stuff as opposed to Locovores who only eat terrible West Coast chain fast-food. 2.) If you obsessively cover chocolate coins in a foil of gold-palladium alloy...

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1.) Ask Your Doctor If Your Heart Is Healthy Enough To Cheer For The Mets. 2.) It’s the ones who project confidence and normalcy you gotta watch out for, they’ll pretend any monstrous thing to ke...

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1.) A parody of the Ghostbusters theme about Tom Brady around the seed of the phrase “Bundchen makes him feel good!” 2.) Twitter should only be able to use that lightning-bolt for moments if they...

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1.) If you played a “drink every time an ad says Ask Your Doctor If You’re Healthy Enough For Sex game” during the MLB playoffs, you would die. 2.) A werewolf who wants to be sexually dominated i...

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1.) Would Seuss in the style of Shakespeare be samiambic pentameter? 2.) Exaggeration via use of twitter neologisms is EVERYTHING. 3.) Next time someone says they’re coming down with a fever, tel...

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1.) Whenever I see twitter or facebook in an ad for something else, I imagine real humans negotiating ephemera like that as their jobs. 2.) The loathsomeness of the GOP presidential field was a h...

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1.) Stand outside a Long Island Medium show in a turban telling people “I can see… you are very gullible.” 2.) Eat your dinner rolls in great circular bites as one would apples. Leave the “cores”...

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1.) A collection of sensible cars is a focus group. 2.) When the Devil really want to punish someone, he makes them search for a picture of someone who doesn’t look like a dork in a fedora. 3.) M...

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1.) Jeff Daniels must be sick to death of the sighs when he shows up in the room and everyone realizes it’s not Jeff Bridges. 2.) Thanks to the Batman movies, I can’t say “Mister Wayne” without d...

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1.) Before social networking, I was an unmysterious over-sharer. Now it has leveled the playing field where I seem normal. 2.) I’m not TRADITIONALLY good-looking but human sacrifice was a traditi...

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