Entries 3,460
Page 117 of 139
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1.) I’d never considered Frosty The Snowman as the story of a creature near death trying to pack in experience like Roy Baty in BLADERUNNER. 2.) People scoffing “oh the Ewoks were just cute thing...
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1.) Who’s jolly? he said and laughed in that special way, who’s jolly, he said then went “ho ho ho”. 2.) All I want is a giantess who’ll laugh at my jokes & tell me I’m handsome but all I nee...
1121
1.) Your Tinder picture is Sting in DUNE. Your reality is Baron Harkonen in DUNE. Welcome to the nerdiest tweet ever. 2.) That’s high-grade endo in Santa’s pipe. That’s how he dilates time to get...
1120
1.) A series of short documentaries explaining step-by-step how things have conspired to enrage me called “How It’s Mad”. 2.) It’s a good thing my car’s in the shop as this was gonna be a “ten do...
1119
1.) Lowering the taxation on feather moguls is an example of tickledown economics. 2.) I hope some day Dan Savage names a sex act or sex-related thing “the Tucker Carlson”. 3.) Again, a “Baby Got...
1118
1.) If we MUST have another Sharknado movie, at least make the sharks radioactive and have the subtitle be “Toxic Shark Syndrome”. 2.) The gig economy’s the last nail in the idea of being fellow ...
1117
1.) The man with the fern fetish inevitably ended up in the frondzone. 2.) My inability to rap limits my ability to do an “endo/Endor” based parody of Gin and Juice. 3.) Politicians who were neve...
1116
1.) I like to think that if Mark Wahlberg asks his wife to feel a weird lump on his back he has to say it twice. “Feel it, feel it”. 2.) Ultimately, tv & film made us believe that loving some...
1115
1.) I like to think that Lady And The Trump would be about the dog biting his face off and becoming a national hero. 2.) Whenever someone calls a footrace in November a “turkey trot” all I can th...
1114
1.) My mind at night much like a Nascar rally, racing in endless tedious circles with no end possible other than an ugly crash. 2.) Ever since tuberculosis got trendy, she’d wheeze extra loud at ...
1113
1.) Making pie is harder than it looks because crimping ain’t easy. 2.) She’s kickstarting her artificial insemination, though natural childbirth IS one of her stretch goals. 3.) The risks inhere...
1112
1.) The best part about being rich would be buying bit parts in crowd funded movies by the dozen and being known as “THAT Weirdo”. 2.) My parody of the Flintstones theme about Bob Marley only has...
1111
1.) The backing percussion in “All Right Now” always makes me think I left my turn signal on. 2.) 107% Completion Mash-Up: The Eagles “In The Long Run” vs Hyakugojyuuichi!! 3.) “Deep carry ambide...
1110
1.) Moreover, even if you NEEDED your coffee cup to underpin your celebration of Christmas, why would you need it on November 7th? 2.) It’s about Goldilocks’ time in prison for B&E. It’s call...
119
1.) I can’t picture myself referring to a group of friends as “Squad” unironically ever. 2.) It is difficult to imagine an idea more desperate and craven than Saturday Night Live letting Trump ho...
118
1.) The gender of the clown is easy to determine, only the boy clowns have jesticles. 2.) You know what’s fun to say? “Taos Tacos”. I could say it a thousand times. Let’s go to New Mexico just to...
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1.) I try my best to stay positive but sometimes I feel like I have all the irons in the world in the fire with none poppin’ out. 2.) I gotta say, whenever I heard the term “audiophile”, I imagin...
116
1.) If you’re gonna be a life coach, you better be wearing an old timey flannel baseball uniform. Probably smoking a cigar. 2.) An upscale brand of beef stews called Dainty Moore. 3.) What’s a we...
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1.) The gorgeous can have ANYONE they desire, looks wise, so be interesting and stand out in a way pretties can’t compete with. 2.) A clown’s just a mime punched in the face for being a mime so m...
114
1.) Maybe tonight I won’t have another nightmare about having all my clothes stolen on a film set. 2.) Phlebotomist by day, vampire hunter by night, mortals call her Cora Coeur, monsters call her...
113
1.) “Tom Petticoat Junction”. Look, that’s the best I can do after the Mets got destroyed. 2.) Telekinesis is a moving experience. 3.) Between horrifying Halloween costumes and Rachel Dolezal, le...
112
1.) I hope we start deriding MRAs and Gamergaters by referring to them as “brotesters”. 2.) Job Title: Secular Humourist. 3.) Busking with Husker Du covers is an all-or-nothing choice. If someone...
111
1.) Dream last night involved jail, a time loop where the arc words were “time in a flat circle” & photos of lost love. 2.) A BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS/TOY STORY mash-up “Holly Go-Lightyear”. Tha...
halloween barrage
1.) My favourite line in THE LOST IN SPACE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL was definitely “MANGER! MANGER, WILL ROBINSON!” 2.) Take the moving steps upstairs in the mall. Loudly quip “Well, THAT escalated quic...
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1.) Dream about getting lost on a bus trip then battling a wizard in a bookstore in Schenectady that doesn’t exist. As you do. 2.) “Is your refrigerator running?” “Why yes it is.” “OH GOD, THE DE...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
