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Gone Baby Gone
It hits me really hard when I catch people beating themselves up for something. I can’t handle it, and will almost tear up, rushing to the defense of their worth and esteem against themselves, o...
I should have been the Wizard
I read this meme somewhere once, long ago. Something like- “I feel like I’m at the point in the RPG when I realize that I put my skill points into all the wrong stuff, but it’s too late to go ba...
Penfold and Magee
Is an intersection my good buddy Gary and I found one winter afternoon driving around on mushrooms with the explicit purpose of expanding our driving boundaries and getting lost somewhere. We ha...
August, 1994
There was something creepy about the 90s too. We romanticize it now, but a lot of it was unsettling- at first, maybe. The core characteristic of the decade, in my opinion, was this feeling of ...
Are we who we are, or who we want to be?
I feel like I spent my entire young adult life running away from who I was, towards who I wanted to be- got there, realized that the person I wanted to be (a sort of cold, calculated, effective ...
Friendship
I have very few friends in my old age. Almost none, in fact. I don’t mean pleasant acquaintances, which I have many, but real genuine friends. Of those, I’ve always had very few, but of late- a...
So Long, Gilbert's House
They tore Gilbert’s house down yesterday and today. My uncle cried. The late Gilbert, as of just a few months ago. He and his wife passed within a few weeks of each other, both in their late 9...
Cold Snap
Even as a little kid, I could never just follow the scripted path. I had to go rouge. Outside the lines, at all times. So once adulthood arrived, and most of my peers got down to the business o...
Autumn's final days
For six months out of the year I work overtime, weekends included, racing through empty halls and rooms turning on faucets and turning off faucets. Hundreds of rooms. Thousands of rooms maybe. A...
I wonder sometimes if people realize how little I assume they think of me. Especially people who are friendly on a superficial level. Store clerks. Business associates. People I must routinely i...
the lovecraftian horror of it all
Hofstader explains how meaning arises from meaningless elements, through a process of recursion and self reference, in the book Godel Escher Bach- an extraordinary work that I must confess I onl...
A long time ago, longer now than it seems...
…in a place that perhaps you’ve dreamed in your teens. I caught a whiff of something the other day half way through a random bedroom in this cottage I was working in. Best I can describe is a k...
Memory? It's overrated
At some point when you ponder the unlikely experience of living for significantly longer than a human being should live, such as Forever, it crosses your mind that such an experience would drive...
Blue Dreams
All I want to do right now is fuck the woman I love before falling asleep inside her. I want to put her on top of me and watch that look of overwhelmed sensation and pleasure wash across her fa...
Cooking with anticlimatic...
If I could sum up the core of my inner child’s needs, like most human beings I expect, it would be as a fragment yearning for a whole. There’s a number of ways to take this, and a number of them...
how to love
I know almost nothing about the youth. I have zero Gen Z peers, and most millennials younger than me (all of them except the first batch) are people that I can’t stand on a fundamental level. Bu...
Suddenly, life has new meaning.
There is an inherent irony to things. Destruction. Violence. Analytical disassembly. These things feel at odds with the natural flow of life- like a harsh interruption and abrupt pivot away. ...
Time it was and what a time it was
I did far too much driving today, and towards the tail end, when it was in the dark, my brain began to muddle. I thought back to life in my teenage years. All the things I thought were interesti...
Where Grownups Play
I feel like I’ve never lived a life. Like I’ve been trapped in the lobby of some casino, or game, unable to find a door I could fit through to get into the main floor. I know it’s in there. ...
The cost of being good
“No good deed goes unpunished” is not an ironic reflection. It is a mathematical certainty I fear. I like the different psychological models that set up a binary in the psyche- conscious/subcon...
The Call of the Corner Store
Autumn languor has taken hold. There are more things in my life that either need work or need radical change than there are things I want to keep static and cozy through the long dark of the co...
Speak Friend And Enter
This afternoon I spent some time cleaning out my vehicle for the first time in a couple years. I removed every single item from the cab, vacuumed it out, and put it back together with some sembl...
The Thrill of Camaraderie
Met my brother out at the Old Trail Tavern north of Goodhart, along remote shore drive. Or what used to be the Old Trail Tavern. Since the 50s I believe, it’s been just a residence- no longer a ...
community warmth in the night
I live in a small town, but the cabin on the beach that I share with my brothers a couple hours north across the Mackinaw Bridge is in a much smaller village. The whole of the business district ...
Gabriel's Pond
Accidentally shot my schedule in the face today, while at work, and fell into some unintended free time. And while the gears in my head were spinning along with my proverbial wheels trying to co...
