Entries 170
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The Face
You know, I don’t think people like being appreciated for who they “really are” (whoever that is). I think people like being appreciated for the fake persona they put on for the world, even if it...
God Is Never Far Away
“My kill hand tattooed EVIL across his brother’s fist that filthy five, they did nothing to challenge or resist.” I’ve been trying to get my head around the idea that consciousness and individua...
Cozy Fever Time
I’m not sure there’s anything more comforting than the shiny picture on the packet of “sweet dreams” tea. Summer-dusk blue with winking stars and a crescent storybook moon- Sweet Dreams, a calmi...
Come Now Dayspring
Thinking about letting myself get into the christmas spirit tomorrow. Going to go get a tree and get some decorations up. I could have gone without Christmas this year, as I’m not really in the ...
Unity and Division
Though not a pariah by any stretch, there’s never been a time or place that I’ve fit in. Prior to puberty, perhaps, but nowhere in my adult life have I felt a strong sense of belonging with any p...
Narrative
I heard that humans rationalize the world, and their place in it, with narratives. We imagine the greater direction of things as an unfolding story, and separately we imagine our lives as they p...
Politics at the Dinner Table
Made it through Thanksgiving dinner without any political disputes between family members. As we’ve become more ideologically mixed that kind of talk has thankfully died out. My voting habits mig...
Winter Stars
I don’t believe in astrology, but I’ll be fucked if I didn’t feel the moon pull me right outside and down the sidewalk tonight. I had just returned from the grocer and had intended on settling in...
The Cowboy Returns
Something very precious washed over me the other day. A sentiment. A realization of a kind. A feeling. Years now of loss and dwelling on loss. A feeling of being locked out of a world I used to k...
Porch Swap Complete
Only took me a year. The hardest part was getting all of the foundation rot cut out and replaced. On to the next.
The Blizzard
When I close my eyes I smell winter. This song reminds me of days passed: I used to go out at night when I was a kid exploring the new alien neighborhood the snow bestowed upon my old one. I rem...
Warm November Rain
What a beautiful evening. I walked to the store after dark in the rain. It was warm so I wore shorts with a raincoat and umbrella. I don’t have much of a sense of smell any longer, but I could st...
Unstuck in time
I feel like I’m on a tram that is flying along at about 3 miles per hour. Motionless and sedated. Gazing generally forward with milky eyes. I think it’s time I stopped smoking reefer every minute...
What makes you proud to be human?
I used to have a lot of pride in humanity and in being human, but it’s been a long while since I have felt it for some reason. Prior to Covid maybe, or 9/11. It’s a hard feeling to map, chronolog...
Aloneness
Is this something everyone grapples with? One of my earliest memories is laying in the dark, on my top bunk, in my first bedroom. I had some stuffed animals to keep me company, and in the eons be...
Sea Shell City
When I was a boy there were two moderately sized cities of approximate distance from the small town my family lived in. Each was about equal in size and economy. They both had a movie theater and...
The Disintegration Loops
I don’t know what this is. Not music. But I can’t turn it off, and I feel like I am floating in the clouds of this photograph.
The Open Road
Enjoyed a little walk through the neighborhood at the very tail end of dusk. There is something about the light at that moment, specifically the horizon- when there is the faintest sliver of oran...
Buyin' on timeeee
I’d have loved to live a thousand lives. When I was young I was anxious, and although I may be less so now, I still feel compelled to “go to work” on things, mentally, especially new environments...
The sweetest winds they blow across the south.
My brother graduated high school when I was 21, and the two of us packed up our cars and moved to North Carolina on a whim. I left a good woman behind, family. Mostly I was motivated by a certain...
Deer Camp
Depressed today. I tend to reach for this site when I’m depressed, in general. I never read my own entries, but I suspect I’d sound a bit like Eeyore from Winnie the Poo if I did. There are days ...
The Man And The Mirror
Full disclaimer: I am thoroughly uneducated. In fact, antieducated might be a better term, if such a term exists. I attended college for a few years after high school sporadically, and only on s...
Cat Nap
I’m trying to type around a sleeping cat at the moment. Norah, our Tortie, has been having some extreme anxiety as of late. She’s just a bit of a high strung gal, country girl at heart- maybe not...
Revelations in the Woods
The lady and I went for a stroll in the woods down by the river at dusk. Another hot late summer evening. Found this flower on the way, a ratty purple one that smelled like the inside of a tire a...
I dreamed I was eternal
Just had a queer old bit of memory fall into my lap. Some time before adolescence. Just before it. Autumn season, my dad in the kitchen. Or grabbing wood outside. A particular smell that I can’t ...
