Entries 307
Page 7 of 13
so on that note the one about sleep. i woke up crying tonight.
which again proves yes it's possible to cry in your sleep. [well. I knew this having read it in 'my sister's keeper'. I haven't read that in a long time]. I don't remember the last time I actual...
ok so this is interesting. seratonin vs. melatonin
So like I said I've been sleeping a lot. [but I've also been depressed]. And I just read that um. sunlight makes your brain release serotonin which makes you want to wake up. [either that or. we...
Current Playlist
Purple Rain yesterday can't make you love me landslide someone like you total eclipse of the heart midnight train to georgia
nothin i can do it's a total eclipse of the heart
Ya know sometimes. ya gotta let people figure things out by for themselves. which for me is really hard. actually. i'm a hover-er. um. ..........
sad. heartbroken. loss.
so now i'm sad. but I actually know why now. and a bit heartbroken.
yes. exactly. um. in a sense. that's why I don't change is cause I don't want to deal. like w/ my anorexia. and other. things.
so i had another dream about it last night.
the sex abuse. like I said I've been sleeping a lot. um. so when I woke up again at around 9 I was. well pretty shaken up. that's the 6th dream I've had and usually I don't uh. i'm not shaken up...
i sleep a lot. well actually not really.
but I've also not been feeling well, so. anorexia stuff and i'm drained as hell right now. it's currently 7:05 p.m. I sleep at least 2x a day now I have the last. wk. or so. like so today I slep...
so, panic attacks.
holy ef. yeah so I just had one an hr. ago the 2nd of the day. I had the other at 2 a.m. that's like the 6th I've gotten since May. I got them in HS only I didn't know what they were it was just...
yeah so. triggers.
yeah so. um. the tall guy. Jared [he really is he's 6'9". he's Nicole's husband]. he triggers me. Like he's a nice guy and he seems cool but he. like he comes off as gruff and not v. warm. his si...
so. i really need to stop apologising.
and now in other news. right so as put. I really need to stop apologising. I've been doing this a lot lately. after months of not. well I do it more often than not. it's an anxiety thing. and an...
yeah so I keep having dreams about it
or rather I keep having the same dream about it's recurring. involving my ex and my r**ist. I've had this 4 or 5 times. you'd think by now it would've upset me. and weirdly it's not.
um. weather.
yeah sso i'm back. er I didn't go anywhere I've just not written a public entry in what seems like awhile. wow this summer went by fast. it doesn't feel quite like summer cause other than when I'...
so. right. i'm angry. like I said almost 2 yrs. ago this coming dec. it'll be 2 yrs. since I was last sexually abused. and i'm just so angry about it. for a few reasons. bc although I did somet...
don't want to leave but i. don't want to stay here.
so um. I've been keeping the entries about my anorexia [and my drinking] private [actually this isn't new] but something's been happening lately that's scared me. so. Here's the latest. well a ...
sad.
i'm not quite sure why but I've been sad lately. like. the past. 2, 3 days.
ptsd. sex abuse. cab. bar. what i remember.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. it's been almost 2 yrs. since I was last sexually abused. I don't remember a whole helluva lot about that night. it was dec. 22nd, 20.......... [um we...
anorexia apathy. life expectancy shortened life span.
so i'm not dead yet. [and now in other obvious news]. which honestly astounds me. it's really bizarre actually seriously thinking about the fact that we're all going to be some day. that there wo...
evan news again. we're ok.
so within the last hr. we talked. like um via phone. we're ok. he's sick again. I think he gets sick a lot cause of his hep. [oh. yeah. he has hep]. and so he has liver issues. [actually until I ...
yeah so as put. this is new. well actually it's not just been awhile since it happened. I know I should probably be feeling. uh emotions [I was almost going to put 'feelings' and be all redundan...
so. i'm really not that nice of a person. [and no that's not random]. everyone's like 'oh you're so nice and sweet'. well it's a good thing you don't know me that well. you're only seeing what yo...
hell hath no fury. evan problems, again.
we have problems a lot lately. yeah so last night we got to talking about my health issues [I need more electrolytes. yeah I knew that. I wasn't asking why something happened I was asking what. ...
oh 'he' being evan. yeah he feels the same way I do about the whole Pat.thing. only he's pushing me away bc he's scared of losing someone else which. well he's doing just that by pushing me away...
"i've lost everything i care about except for my mom"
yeah evan just said that to me when we were on the phone and he was upset. which makes it sound like he doesn't care about me. even though I know he does. I texted him and was like wow that h...
yeah. i'm trying to replace Pat.
Pat, for those who don't know, [I know I've mentioned this before but it's not mentioned often, so], was my best friend who passed almost a yr. and a half ago. I'll never have a friend like that...
