Entries 155

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It’s been quiet, thank goodness. No more vet trips. No more hospital trips. So of course my friends lives are imploding. Mandy’s asshole husband told her he wants a divorce, and immediately mov...

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I know saying this out loud is like putting some kind of cosmic spot light on me, but everyone in my family, except for me, has been to the emergency room/vet this year and holy fuck that can st...

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M’s surgery went well. He’s sleeping now. I called my supervisor and told her about M’s surgery and the aftercare. She told me not to worry about the course next week. Things are looking up. S...

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M goes for surgery tomorrow. He’s terrified. I’m anxious. It’s a fairly standard procedure (ureteroscopy), but he’s afraid of the anaesthetic. I mean, they’re also operating on his dick, so that...

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Where do I even start? It’s a sign of my mental health that I’ve basically stopped writing again. I am mentally exhausted all the time because of the see-saw of emotion - elation at being home ...

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It feels like writing this entry is admitting its the end of my holiday. Despite typing this at home, where I’ve been for over 24 hours now. Reality sucks Friday morning my sister and I snuck o...

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This has not been the holiday I feel like it should have been. First off, I feel bad for mom. She’s been dealing with a problem with her septic for over a year. She was really hopeful about me...

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Yesterday I managed to sleep in. We ate a breakfast of greek yogurt, home made granola and fresh blueberries, before my sister asked if I wanted to go to the pet store with her. It was about an ...

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I’m fortunate that my mom still lives in my childhood home. So going to visit mom feels like “going home”. I frequently call both my home with M and my childhood home,”Home”. It’s wild because ...

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So I’ve been fucking up my meds and the side effects are really annoying. I’m dealing with intrusive thoughts, but fortunately they’re run of the mill anxiety and not persistent wanting to not e...

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Maybe I can exorcise this bullshit from my head by writing it down. I can tell you that it’s been plaguing me all weekend, so if this works, great. On Thursday I did a small presentation at wh...

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Two day work weeks should be the norm :D Thursday I spent most of the day applying to University (note to self, keep working on it), and then at noon I happened to see that there was a meeting o...

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The first three days of my new job were interesting. Day 1 was during a heatwave, and I had to leave my car at the bus terminal and walk all over the base sweating my guts out. I was met at the ...

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It has taken a concerted effort to not have this coming week ruin this past weekend. On Friday I put in a leave day for Monday (today) because I just really did not want to go to work. And M was...

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I haven’t been at my new job for a month yet. I’ve spent the last 3 weeks training online and I was just about to start doing shit for real when my supervisor pulled me into her office. They’r...

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Nothing much has happened since my car got shot. Insurance is doing its thing as I wait for the call to bring my car in and pick up a rental. M on the otherhand had a week from hell where his ...

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Today has been a fucking ordeal. Driving to work this morning I heard and felt a loud bang. I thought I’d gotten in an accident, but there was no impact and there were no cars around me that c...

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Thursday night M came home. It’s been so nice to have him to talk to again. Though I can barely get a word in most of the time haha. Since we got home so late and both had to work in the morning...

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Tonight at crafting we were talking about how Disney movies love to kill off parents, and I could not stop getting choked up about it. The conversation itself wasn’t even sad. But the feeling w...

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I didn’t realize when my supervisor told me that I’d be starting my new job on the 26th that M would also be away for work. So I’m in an office all day with people who don’t talk much, eating lu...

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I have a hard time parsing productivity. I have had a hard time justifying spending time on things I enjoy for the sake of enjoyment, but developing the art room has shifted this. Now feeling pr...

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I “graduated” my DBT group last week and I had my last appointment with Tina on Wednesday. It was a productive last session, she reminded me of my diagnosis (adjustment disorder) and we talked a...

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Feeling some hard feelings this evening. This week has been a fucking roller-coaster. Monday I was late for gym class so I went for a walk along the trail by work. I’d forgotten that there was ...

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I have spent so long avoiding being in my own head, or being trapped there with impulsive or obsessive thinking, that I forgot that it’s a place that I like to be. I’ve been finding it boring t...

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Things have been so normal. I go to work (the least normal part of my life, and the thing I need to change the most), I come home, M and I make dinner together, we eat, we watch shows, he reads,...

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