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Page 8 of 63

If my heart could beat it would break my chest. The physical symptoms of anxiety have been made manifest. There is a tightness in my chest. Physical pain is easy. I am lucky that this anxiety ha...

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Tomorrow is the big day. I start my new job. Last night I dreamt about it. I did not sleep well. I have not been sleeping well. I’m not entertaining any negative thoughts. I am in my Pisces era,...

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You’ll never guess what I’m going to complain about. My inability to take action. I have nothing pressing to do. I should rejoice! Instead, I feel guilt and shame because I have ADHD paralysis...

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It was the face crack of the century, at work. When everybody learned that I was leaving. They really do love me there. My supervisor is looking forward to being rid of me. Or so I think. At yes...

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I am kidding myself. I am not in control. My ADHD is. I am going to give myself some grace but it is still frustrating when I can’t will myself to do something that is seamlessly simple to a neu...

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I woke up beside myself. I’m excited about all the opportunities that open up with this new job. It’s a lot of money to me. Even if it was just minimum wage, it is full-time. I have not had that...

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Today I got the call. They officially hired me. It is full-time and I start on Monday. They are emailing me my offer letter. I just need to send them the receipts from the background checks. I w...

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They take a minute. Alex told me multiple times while explaining how the hiring process moves at a glacial pace. They asked me for more references yesterday and today I delivered. Coincidentally...

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HR finally got back to me. I’m still confused about their hiring process but at least I know they are still interested. They want me to provide more references. Done! I know who to ask. I’ll hav...

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I had one of the worst sleeps of my life. My mind interpreted every bump in the night as a life-threatening threat. My crackwhore neighbor does not sleep. Every noise she made woke me up and kep...

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My mood disorders are still missing in action. My triggers are not. My situations are not. Today I have to admit to myself that my habits are not. I still do anxiety and depressed things. Hung...

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My dream woke me up. Just in time because it was awful. In the scene, the theme was public nudity. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, just like in real life. I arranged to change in a separate ro...

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About $120 later I finally submitted my request forms for a Criminal Record check, an Adult/Child Abuse Registry Check, and a Driver Abstract. This better be worth it. I’m not letting this sink ...

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I developed heightened sensitivities to a lot of the things that I’ve quit over the years. I quit dairy and now it burns ulcers in my mouth if anything I eat comes into contact with it. I quit w...

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Tongue-tied, brain-tied, heart-tied, maybe even tubes-tied. That’s the vibe. Sigh of relief is what I felt yesterday. There was no real sigh but I felt a huge shift—a calmness set throughout my ...

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It’s not on paper but I am hired. I thought I was having an interview with the programs coordinator but it was an orientation. Just the two of us. It was not communicated to me that it was an ori...

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I got a follow-up email from that non-profit. The HR thinks I would be a better fit for a different program. I am going to meet with that coordinator tomorrow. I can’t find the program on their w...

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I got to lead a reset today. It fell in my lap but I know I did great. This is exactly what I like to do. I was given Connie and Helen. This is a heavy week for my team and my supervisor couldn’t...

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My anxiety wants fuel. This week will be a stress test. I can tell. Though I can remind myself that they’re just thoughts, the situations are still real. I’m not gaslighting myself with toxic po...

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I need to choose peace over anger. That is the exercise I’m supposed to work on. My roommate makes this challenging. As we know. I felt ready to throw hands today. Relax, take it easy. This is he...

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My mind dissociates from my body causing a functional freeze. This is when I will rot in my bed for most of the day. Every small task feels too overwhelming. I have not experienced this in almost...

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V is for vagina in this part of the entry. A customer at work was hiding nothing with her blue tights. They were shorts? She was spilling out of them. Long black hair with extensions, botched bot...

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I broke the ice with my roommate. I haven’t said a word to her in almost two weeks. My work bought me an individual vegan pizza, which I brought home for her as I don’t eat hybridized wheat. It f...

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I am frustrated with the dealership I purchased my car from. I made a $500 deposit to secure the vehicle. It is supposed to be deposited back but no action has been taken yet. I did reach out to ...

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Today was long and full of terrors. My night was as well. I dreamt about Gods and monsters. Candace Owens was there too. I don’t know what the dream was about but I kept waking up terrified. This...

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