Entries 17
Page 1 of 1
Wafflehouse at 3am
Wafflehouse at 3am is not a happy place. The drunks have stumbled away and the early morning crowd isn’t awake yet. Not even the coffeehouse early early morning crowd. The only people here are pe...
Lots of stuff is wrong with me.
People at work ask how I’m doing. Regulars ask how my day’s going. The regular I really like who is interesting and easy to talk to and smiling all the time and nice to everybody asked me how thi...
Alone again still
You ask questions I answer them you walk away you come back you ask questions I answer them you yell I get defensive I go on the offense you stand in my way you touch me I cry you tell me to stop...
Picking through 33 years day by day hour by hour blow by blow with the precision of an epileptic sloth and the focus of an unmedicated uneducated not unmotivated but uninterested in feeling the p...
Wallowing ruminating
Laying here worthless and alone while she sleeps six inches away and insurmountably distant. Trying to analyze and make sense of thirty years of habits and traits having no real idea what kind of...
I am breathing. I am taking in information. I am not lying to myself. I am breathing. I am taking in information. I am not lying to myself. Mutually exclusive emotions screaming for attention whi...
And here I am again
Once again trying to figure out what just happened. Once again feeling the anger wear off and be replaced by some vague shame. That’s not correct. The shame is very specific. I’m too stupid to fi...
A crash course in lying to yourself
It helps if you start young. With one overly indulgent, he-can-do-no-wrong parent and one abusive and manipulative parent who is great at seeming great. Don’t get me wrong, the my-baby-can-do-no-...
No more denial. No more power. No more time.
I have successfully exploded my life in specfuckingtacular fashion. I’m about to lose literally every person I love due to my own laziness and self-absorption. I pretty much already did, but at l...
The Why's Have it
I struggle with why. Why would they do this, why do I do that, why can’t I just… I’ve been asking why since probably before I could talk. What I’m struggling with now (one of the many, many thing...
Being Seen
Near the beginning of this year, the Lady and I were discussing fear. The way she embraces it and learns from it (is there anything she doesn’t learn from?) while I run like hell and avoid it and...
Sunrise and Hope
I almost always feel optimistic at sunrise, if I’m outside and alone. Pretty much no matter what has gone on the previous night, if I’m outside and by myself when the sky turns whiteblue and it’s...
Food
It annoys me to be hungry. I just ate a few hours ago. Why should I have to eat several times a day? It’s such a pain in the ass.
More than one conversation at once
While having the conversation about her son’s potential problems vis-a-vis female biology and the chemical imperative to put genitals together, he was also experiencing a blood sugar crash. Ther...
How I didn't knock anybody up
During a conversation with The Lady and her 18 year old son in which the phrases, “[Girl name]’s beautiful and delicious vagina”, as well as, “Do you think you’re above the vagina? Dude… Nobody i...
Has anything meaningful been written on a phone?
I feel like I have things to say, but then I go to type stuff, and don’t know where to start or what to talk about. Shit. Fucking blockages, man.
Is there anything special about the number 33?
I should write stuff. I have things to say about things. What’s the deal with motivation? It’s bullshit. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I guess that’s it for now.
Book Description
Mmhmm
