Started writing this yesterday, but holds true today. Every day feels a little bit better:
Today feels like a much better day than yesterday already. Woke up and did my workout (like every day, grudgingly, but it is done!), and felt so damn good afterwards! I’m wearing a pretty/sexy dress and brand new shoes I bought yesterday (mules, in case you are wondering – I haven’t been able to find any locally and just found some last night as I was walking the mall for a bit more exercise).
I don’t know what it is, but today I feel a bit more comfortable about what has transpired between SP and me. I’m still bummed in that I couldn’t fix it, as I’m sure he feels the same way…perhaps differently, but I know he at least, for a while, tried to fix something that was broken. But not to belabor the point, once the trust was gone, I think it was just gone and how on earth does it come back?
Actions? Yeah, that’s true.
But in thinking back, he became secretive again. Outwardly, I was trying to trust him and let him have his freedoms. Secretly, I checked up on him a bit and he was becoming more and more locked down, changing passwords, etc. Those actions made me suspicious and again, I went round and round that vicious cycle. Dumb, I know, but there it is.
ANYWAY, this entry was not supposed to go down that path. Sorry. I do have to catch myself from time to time. And I don’t know why I feel the need to explain myself over and over again. Look, it was good when it was good. In fact, it was more than good, it was SPECTACULAR!
So I will look back on those moments with fondness and move ahead!
Moving right along. I’m working on some stuff: Fun stuff, hard stuff, good stuff. I need to break out of my comfort zone and start doing some traveling and making new friends. I have already booked a trip to see a friend at her summer house in the beginning of May. I’m working on a trip to Europe in September. I’ll be traveling on business most of July and November. I need to finally finish decorating/furnishing my apartment! Sheesh. Then I need to have some company. Good company.
Maybe get laid. Maybe not.
Need to look at a new and different form of exercise. I am doing my cardio every morning, that’s true. And my bootcamp on Saturday mornings, but I think I need one extra bit of oomph to kick my bod back into gear. Gotta get into swimsuit shape if I’m gonna get out on the beach in May.
Written March 20th: Today is the first day of Spring! Yes, it’s time for new beginnings. Re-awakenings. Spring cleaning. I’m optimistic. I know I’m getting older, but I don’t feel it, except for my eyes (ha – I think I need reading glasses!). I feel super healthy in my body; my head is screwed on OK (at least I’m not bawling all of the time); my looks are decent (sure, I’m getting lines on my face and a few white hairs, but I don’t care); my work is fine, though I could push much harder; my relationships need a revamp, but again, that’s what Spring is for, right?
Lots to do!
Auuuggghhh! I just realized this morning at my team meeting that I booked my long weekend over an all-day meeting that I had scheduled with my Chinese factory owner. Damn! Now I have to switch it all around.
Confession: I guess I’m not as together as I may appear to be to the outside. Truth be told, I’m pretty scatterbrained right now. I am telling myself I’m fine, but truthfully, it’s going to take some time. I wish I could snap my fingers and be done with everything, but how do you get over nearly 4 years of your life? I originally wrote “forget”, but I don’t want to forget. I have strong, strong feelings about the past. I just don’t want to find myself living in the past.
Better get to work. Perhaps more later.
I love you.
GS
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