Let me sum up my relationship situation to you. To begin with, I recently have gotten out of a 6-year off-and-on relationship. Separating was the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I feel like I can start to live my life now. I could also finally act on this crush that i had with my manager at work. He’d shown interest in me from the start. He’s older, but is playful and quirky in a lively way. Over months we have only seen each other outside of work a few times. We’d hang out at his place, cuddle, and makeout. No, we haven’t gone all the way. I’ve wanted to but it’s hard to make plans with him when he’s never available and postponing our plans because of work or other things. He has a hard time balancing things in his life. He also said that he’s been in a funk. Meanwhile, I’ve spent hours getting ready for the rare times we got to hang out. So when he canceled on me one too many times, I finally had it. I suddenly got so angry. That night I made the decision to finally put to use a lesson that I should have followed a long time ago that left me stuck in my previous relationship. Do not settle for the first guy who shows interest in you. You shouldn’t have to try to make things work. With my manager, it’s apparent that we get a little nervous around each other because of this stupid “crush,” but it is also apparent that we don’t click. It’s not easy for us to talk to each other. That’s when my thoughts turn to selfish and causal ideas. I could stop overthinking it and just have fun with him. I was close to surrendering myself to him one night, but he got called in for a work emergency. That was the last time we hung out. Although I’m sticking to my decision and staying strong, I can’t help but miss being with him. I miss being physical. God, I just want to kiss him again. It’s not too late to turn around, I only gave him the excuse of school to get out of seeing him again. But I know better. I don’t want to be with someone for superficial reasons. I want to wait for someone who actually compliments my personality.
But the main reason I’m cutting things off is because of how bad my overthinking and emotions get when I’m left to think about this “thing” we have going. It’s not great but it could be something? Ugh.
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