touch in i hate that i ever loved you

i still feel your hands on my body every night before i bury myself under my weighted blanket and succumb to the five melatonin and the remnants of this afternoons xanax. you ruined me and she has no idea, sometimes i worry but i cant help but laugh, if only she knew. i cant fully remember that night when you stole one of the only things i didnt let you have, but i know i will. the dreams have brought me almost as much pain as you did the first time around. that and when i was told my pelvic bone had healed properly. i didnt know it needed to heal, but i know why it did the second i found out. i couldnt believe you managed to break me in more than one way. crazy man. i wonder if youd be proud of yourself if you knew. probably.