19:10 in My last days on earth

I played frustration with L,N and O. How ironic, it was fun. Life however is frustrating.
The first game went well, O won, she was so excited and proud of herself, I hope her life is filled with those feelings but, I’ll never get to see it.
L won the second game, pure joy on his face. A million miles from how I saw him in September, before we moved on my laptop. The confusion and fear so apparent when S told L to touch me where S was touching me. I was too doped up on antipsychotics, I didn’t have a clue. I didn’t protect L, I couldn’t, S laughed at the look on L’s face, so young but, so strong.
O asked for one more cuddle before bed, how can I say no? I wanted to stay like that forever but, knew she would think it odd. I can’t let anything slip. I came down and poured myself another vodka and lemonade, this time I added Vimeo, the sugar will keep my energy up!