Last weekend you ripped my heart out, and threw it against a wall. Why?
Why do you choose a life of pain and suffering when there’s someone that loved you and wanted nothing but the best for you?
I dont know if you will ever see this I doubt it, but its not for you to see, but for me to write.
I am fast approaching 40 and took a chance on a gorgeous gal that had everything, everything I wanted from a great personality to an awesome sense of humour and the most gorgeous eyes any god or goddess could create.
Despite your scars, baggage and journey I was ready and willing to open my heart and let you in.
Trust, well trust you tested from the first day right through to the last and it was always a struggle for me to maintain with your constant flirting with other guys or association with men which was unusual to say the least.
But I tried always to put those fears aside, trying, trying. Until last weekend when you had a man call to say he had just had sex with you and you tasted nice.
The worst part was you laughing, that’s what hurt the most. Also that you would involve someone else into our relationship in that way, you broke a sacred bond.
I kept every secret you shared, I felt every pain you explained to me about all the men and what wrong they had done in your life: and there you are using one of those same men to hurt me.
Why?
And telling someone that it was because you wanted to break up with me and that was the only way you knew how, you know thats a lie as I was already saying it was not working out. So why the pain? Why hurt me so much?
And why do you want to continue to live a lifestyle like that, that will only lead to you with more addictions and more problems and less real friends?
You said to me this week you feel lonely, who to call late at night? Where are they all now, those so called friends? When you need them?
I was always there for you 24 hours a day. Always. But not anymore, I cant and wont be used like that. I need a woman that respects herself and doesnt put herself in situations where she is vulnerable. That doesnt want to be around meth or the users of it, that doesnt need the attention of gutter trash males to make her feel better as she should know, inside, she is a good person, or at least capable of being one, one day.
You are at a crossroads that will decide the rest of your life. Choose wisely, choose the smart choices, find good people to be around.
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