Stuff is almost weird enough to feel normal; stuff and things. Over the last several years of online farting and fucking around (that’s sometimes called research and journaling) I’ve both implied and stated outright that I am a freak magnet and that weird shit happens to me. I don’t mean to take anything away from that, but it is sort of the normal operating procedure of Portland Oregon. I’d forgotten the truth of it, that my fortunes were not tied to Portland but that Yea freaks and weirdness shall follow me all the days of my life.
Well, weirdness anyhow. Freak is relative. A circus freak show, for instance, doesn’t have hippie’s or guys with parrots on their shoulder asking if you’ve accepted Jesus as your personal savior (that’s Mr. Christ to you). And in the course of my day I don’t run into many bearded ladies or alligator boys. So I don’t really draw freaks from afar, just that the person fartherest from norm in any given room will insist that we are somehow kindred and, sad to say, they often aren’t too far from the mark. Depends on the room.
I’ve been pretty stressed of late and most of it has to do with standard cluster-fuckery. Relatively speaking it’s entirely possible my cluster-fuckery is going pretty smooth. Sunny popping up was more the out of the norm weirdness, I mean without her having to do anything. The whole business of a short note and such was typical atypical sunny, but, this morning she explained that the person who has her old number answers her texts and facebook messages. Heh. Good thing, I guess, that I have neither her old number or new number, but, following the logic, I might have been tempted to type back “Who is this really?”
Ok, what all that means is maybe I miss plain old ordinary weird.
Awww shit. Other things came up, it’s later in the day or earlier in tomorrow, who the fuck knows? There’s still snow on the ground or as my older sister says “Ice Cairns”. Why would someone call the hardened little drift at the end of the driveway an ice cairn? Heh, yep, you guessed it, when they’ve backed their prius up into it and splintered the whole rear quarter panel. To be fair, a prius might crumple in a stiff wind, that hardly makes the wind a gale. My jeep hit my own ice cairn. Know what happened? It rolled over the top and crushed it as though it were just a snow drift with a crunchy dirty top.
Anyhow if I had a point when I started it’s as gone as the previous version of Haredawg Drools, that odd fellow that lived before noon on Tuesday. Not that I am the upgrade version, I’m not Haredawg Drools Eight point One (the apology). More like a sideways version or like another weary digit at the end of Pi. Little kids can draw a circle without even knowing how to count to three let alone 3 point one four ad infinitum.
I’m sore. I’ve conditioned myself to write an entry after I’ve taken pain medication. It’s not a pre-meditated conditioning. It’s that I quit thinking Ow Ow Ow and start thinking, um, of shit like this. Again, not an upgrade, just a lateral move. I have very gingerly raised the question once or twice regarding my father on why he isn’t on pain medication, and though wholly dissatisfied with the answer, I’ve had the good sense not to go into the whole better living through chemistry thing. My dad says ow ow ow a lot and other shit that sounds like it probably means ow ow ow.
The person who I actively don’t talk about is ok with me talking about Sunny, though we don’t use her name. I’m not ok talking about sunny, but I do. I think it’s a special kind of douche that bitchs about his ex, special as in the kids who ride the short bus are special. Who in their right mind of any sort of normative intelligence wants to go into detail about what a shitty ex husband/boyfriend/girlfriend one is? Also it’s tiresome to talk about unless invited to, and even then …The question always comes to mind, or at least my mind, why were you ever with that horrible person in the first place? A question that implies, too, you’re leaving out the good stuff on purpose.
Truth is both of my ex wives are much better examples of themselves then I could ever conjure. Barnum and Baily would come to mind. The intent of who I’m not talking about, however, is allow me venting room. She is completely without guile. In one very real respect that makes her the freakiest of all, no one is both that good and that hot.
Hmmm she’s on my mind far too often for me not to spill over. I’m not talking about her. I looked at Sunnys facebook page. She’s getting evicted and other shit. I forget what book it was in but the phrase was repeated, to good effect, throughout the book … And the World situation was desperate as usual.
Sunny once told me in the middle of an argument that one day she would be gone and I’d regret that I hadn’t treated the best thing in my life better. Even at the time I think I said that she probably had that backwards. I might have just thought it. It’s a lame threat anyhow, the predictive threat. It’s also a threat with too many presumptions and conceit.
I’m going to end this, because it really needs to end, with something optimistic and true. The human heart is as resilient as you let it be, I mean the metaphorical seat of emotion, the real thing is a simple muscle and it’s more resilient than, say, a Prius, but you don’t want to bounce it around the room. The myth about true love, the implication that there is one person for whom your heart sings it’s true song, helps keep you down, it does not lift you up. The truth is you can be in love as many times as you like. Romantic love, familial love, pet love, child love, puppy love, you just have to get over yourself. It’s not like you used it all up the first time or that you’ve gotten jaded or rusty (if you have you did it in your own head and if you want to you can follow the bread crumbs back). For that matter you can fall in love with that old bastard you married 25 years ago who you’ve thought of divorcing, with whom everything is mind and sex organ numbing routine. You just have to want to. Well, want to and then do something about it, but you have to start with wanting too. I could even forgive Sunny, I’m sure. I’m an optimist not a masochist. I’m also a serial monogamist. Heart wise I’m exactly where I want to be give or take a dog or two.
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