Dear Alice,
It is currently 3:56 pm on November 7th, 2019 - ten days past my 25th birthday (so many numbers in one little sentence). I certainly don’t feel 25, although, if I must be honest… I never really felt 24 either. I guess I might be a little bit more wiser and maybe I feel a little bit older? Since I, and I am assuming millions of other people, was raised to believe that getting ‘old’ is equated to feeling more bodily aches and pains, which I most certainly have. Which reminds me, I forgot to call the doctor again today!
*A little (or long?) back story…
Back in May, a lady driving a red Dodge SUV ran a stop sign, pulled across 5 lanes of traffic and managed to hit me in the 6th lane over, which couldn’t have been further away from any kind of danger… or so I thought. My small SUV hatchback was totaled and I had some cuts, a few bruises, a concussion, whiplash, and a couple of sore ribs. I can’t complain now though, I am just happy that I was able to walk away from it all. Additionally, I am able to remember the accident vividly. I was mostly angry that day. It started off normal. I slept in late, skipped breakfast and lunch, watched a few YouTube videos. I even picked out the outfit that I planned to wear later on that evening… This idiot guy who I had been talking to (for probably not even a week) asked to meet me for the first time. About a month before, I started a track record of not being very smart when it comes to dating and not being very responsible with my self… something I promise to discuss in a later entry. He was very sweet, very tall, and sort of funny. Back to the story, I decided to quickly drive to the post office before getting ready, to mail my mom and my friend’s mom Mother’s Day cards… with the full realization that they would receive the cards a few days late but I had forgotten about the stupid holiday… figures. I successfully mailed them however, and it was on my way back that I got into the accident. By this point, I was feeling very inconvenienced, angry with myself for not putting the letters in my own mailbox to be sent, and angry with that lady who disregarded her stop sign. Like I mentioned previously, I walked away from the crash and initially in no pain at all. I wasn’t in shock either, which now seems kind of weird. Anyway, seeking medical attention was the very least of my concerns… how was I going to cancel this date that I really didn’t want to go to anyway and how would I tell him what happened without sounding dramatic? Would he even believe me? I ultimately chose to send him a picture of the wreck and pointed out that I happened to be driving the badly smashed green car that was clearly un-drivable. He actually was very worried and offered to reschedule. I didn’t even bother responding.
After calling my parents, getting a taxi, finding a rental car, driving to the junk yard to see my car, going to the urgent car for x-rays (still no pain), I finally made it home and got a shower. I didn’t realize how dirty I was or how sloppy I looked. To begin with, I was just going to the post office, so I didn’t bother putting on presentable clothes, brushing my hair, or even wearing a bra. After the wreck, I was covered in dirt and blood. Im sure I probably smelled really sweaty too. And to top it all off, I was wearing CROCKS! AND TWO DIFFERENT COLORS OF THEM TOO!!!! One dark blue and one pink/purple tie-dye. Embarrassing. During my shower a bunch of people sent me messages asking how I was managing and if I was okay. One of those people happened to be that guy. Long story that is already pretty long, but I’m cutting it off now(!!!!!!!!!!), he asked to come over and I fucking let him. I even went on to do my hair and my make-up. I don’t really know why I even cared about how I looked so much, after all, I had just wrecked my car. When he arrived, we watched a few shows, talked a little, and had disappointing sex… I know, I know… I told you earlier that I wasn’t being responsible and after being hyped on adrenaline all day, what did you expect?!
I was so sore the next day, I couldn’t move. Getting up to pee was the worst pain I have experienced. I remember sitting on the toilet, crying about having to move my body in order to get back to the bed.
Fast forward to the present, after fighting with the lady’s insurance (who I am still fighting with), purchasing a new car, giving myself time to heal, and a bunch of other stupid shit, I am still experiencing neck and back pain. My mom keeps telling me that I need to go see a specialist about my pain, which would get me a bigger settlement. She doesn’t understand why I have been dragging my feet with it and the truth is that I really don’t fully understand it either. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I feel emotionally and socially drained and stressed to the max from the work week. When I finally get my two days off, the last thing I want to do is spend them at the fucking doctor. Despite this, I want her to leave me alone about it so I promised to make an appointment… which I keep forgetting to do.
Anyway Alice, I am so sorry that this had to be my first entry. I had every intention of introducing myself a little better and not rambling as much as I did. Next time, I promise to be a little bit more informative about things that are a little bit more important. Thank you for giving me this time.
Stay safe & stay strong.
Until next time,
Me
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