empty chair in perceive me

a sinusoidal function with an amplitude of infinity: i crave the moments when i’m raised to a higher frequency, a state of validated bliss made possible only in comparison to the lows of questioning my every synapse. an obsessive, sensitive, neurotic mess that you seem to pay attention to at the times i loathe your being the most. a single phrase of validation, even if rooted in condescension, acts as a dissolvable stitch, guaranteed to be nothing more than a memory of empty words and manipulative intentions. How easily my emotions are deceived, fooled by phrases meant to keep me on this deranged rollercoaster. i swear you’re on a timer set to the exact moment of when i need you most. extremes are not sustainable, they must converge to stability, quantum? you are both the fire under my feet and the flame of primal fantasy, but for what? to avoid the embarrassment of you thinking i’m not good enough? the adrenaline rush of gambling what mood you’ll be in when I speak to you? imagination never did permiss the ease of closure for the space between our skin that inductive reasoning would suggest.

A chronic screaming thought no longer to be considered; you removed yourself, a polite tumor disintegrating into primordial dust, even though i had just convinced myself you were benign, simply a companion fed by the same blood, chasing the same goal. parasitic is what you evolved from and i had accepted my fate of carrying you eternally, internally, content with the fact my definition of stable must accommodate the abrasive field, sharp tongue, and blind insult you were always reliable to give me. when did 0 become positive? applying relativity as a justification masquerading as an explanation is harmful to the self. what is the self when around you? a malleable membrane, selectively permeable to your blunt knives. what to do with these ruminations? ponder, wander, dive in shallow ponds and gander subterra. choke on the possibility that this was it. an alarm that i’m not meant to be here, a buzz of i am the weakest link, a shock of get out, a simple go fish?