I find myself in the same nonsensical predicament every few years. Out of a relationship, free as a bird, happy again. Then WHAM!! My heart stops as I watch him watching me watch him watch me. And then I look away sheepishly and pretend I hadn’t felt what I feared was immediate attraction.
‘Not this again,’ I beg my heart. I like this place, and really enjoy coming here communing with these people. ‘Don’t fuck this up and make me pine over someone who clearly demands the attention of the room. Which makes him either desperate for attention or non-committal or both. Either of which I don’t need but am nonetheless impossibly transfixed! There’s something in his voice when he speaks to me… I pick up something sincere in it, but I’m not quite certain. But of course my idiot brain clings to this and ignores all other information, only gathering the data that will prove my wishes.
So I shove it off and go about my existence as if nothing is amiss. I must regain control of my ‘silly girl’ mental state. “There’s no such thing as a soul mate, there’s no such thing as a twin flame. Even if there was it wouldn’t be him!” I not so convincingly tell myself. “Just chill tf out and casually get to know him as a friend would”. But of course my fractured brain will obsess over him, day in and day out, for months on end. Until…
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