Coming back from 2 years abroad, being back at dad´s has become very boring. Meeting new people every day is very stimulating, back in France, all my friends are living very very far away and have their own life. And I know that there is no need for us to stay in touch very often to stay friend. As Paul Valery said it « Un homme seul est toujours en mauvaise compagnie » or « If you are alone with just yourself then you are in bad company”.
So, I sought people company. Found a website where you make friend with people from different countries. Send mails, all tailored to the recipients. Of course, most of them stayed unanswered. However, I was lucky enough to find a few people responding. Over time most lost interest though. It was fine. Still today I am still in touch with a couple of people. And actually the ghosting from 99% of them did not really affect me. We only had small chats, I show interest in all of them, but if you are not trying, I can throw as many balls as I have to you, that´s not going to work.
Nevertheless, with one person, we really clicked. Can´t really explain how it happened, but from the very beginning we were sending each other’s pages of text. About what we think of life and different topics. I loved that so much. I love what the person writes and the way it is written. The last message received was 3 pages long on Word. So nice to think someone took time in their busy day to redact that. I answered the next day with 4 pages. So excited.
That was over a week ago…
I really try to give space to people, for sure, not everyone has as much time in their hand as I do. But how long is it reasonable to wait before asking. After a few days I could see they still had not even read the message I sent, so I send a little something. Like a kindly reminder.
It was read but unanswered…
Before that I would always get a message to tell me, “Sorry I am busy, will answer soon”. Not anymore. Since then I have sent just one more message, this one is clearly a way out. I say that I would understand if our correspondence is too time-consuming and just want to know if I should expect something soon. This message still hasn´t been read. EDIT: It was just read and not answered.
Now of course maybe I just thought they enjoyed our chats, but how would I not when in their last message it said “Our chats are more like mails, I like it a lot”. And that wasn´t the first time something similar was said. Of course, they are just words and I believe what Pierre Reverdy said “Il n’y a pas d’amour, il n’y a que des preuves” or “There’s no love, there’s only proof of love” and crafting 3 pages of text constitute a proof of love.
Plus, I think I can take a hint, and nothing in their messages was hinting in the direction of suddenly stop writing. It would have been completely mixed signals.
I feel so hurt, I really got attached to this person, I am convinced this is a good person. I really can not understand what happened. Seeing at this instant that they have just read my message in which I give them a way out but still give me the silent treatment is very upsetting. Ghosting someone is the worse thing to do. For sure it could be hard to tell people you aren´t interested in them, but at the very least, hints should be dropped. If someone tells me that they are very busy, I will get it. No worries.
So now I am bewildered, what should I do. If this person tries to ghost me so hard, why keep following me on the Instagram. So far, I sent all my messages through an instant messaging app. Should I e-mail them, reach to them on the Instagram. Saying that perhaps they haven´t received my texts? When do I become thick?
I will leave you with the wisdom of Garfunkel and Oats:
“Cause there’s the right thing to do
Then there’s what I’m gonna do
There’s much I should say
But instead, I do the fadeaway”
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