So, I begin this dairy after a terrible situation. One that I am both responsible for and a victim of…
You see, I am getting a divorce. After nearly ten years, my relationship with my wife has finally got to the point where things crumbled. Since I’m treating this as a ‘safe’ space and my identity is pretty much unknown -not that anyone really ‘knows’ me anymore, honestly- I feel like I can express my thoughts on the situation pretty openly.
My wife was, as I’ve learned, a opportunist who plays victim to secure the things she wants. Had I known from the beginning that I was just a choice, I would never have married her and never have grown to love her as I had.
You see, she pretty much would pick a line up of men and flirt with them all - make them feel really special and even date a couple and sleep with several - and pick the one that could give her the most in the situation she was in. I had barely anything, but I was and always will be a guy who likes a little adventure and wonder in his life - and I was a foreigner! Imagine that. So, when our ‘relationship began - I was the pick to the litter. I found out later she’d been dating another man online until I came to visit her, beating him to the punch.
I do not like to be a choice.
Anyhow, she basically destroyed her own life - did nothing for ten years. Sat around being a shrew obsessed with work and misinterpreting the meaning of friendship until things became a sour blister of a situation. I swear to you, I tried to keep it all together. We did special things, watched movies into the late night, had our rituals and little shows we watched. She loved Gone With the Wind and I would buy her collectors items from over the years and I’d buy her a present on Halloween because she loved the day so much. We loved games, I tried so hard to find so many to play with her but she simply just drifted away from me.
In the end, she ‘went to her friends’ and it ended up that she cheated on me and was going on a date with some dude she met on Whisper. In fact, I’d caught her months before sending nudes to her old friends and faking overtime to go visit another man. She got beat on the sidewalk, covered in blood, and I stayed awake for nights helping her get through it and going to every court date.
Didn’t matter, she continued to cheat and cheated again. And, after we broke up - continued to lie.
So, to anyone close by there is a million skewed tales. But I don’t have to lie and certainly not to ether of the internet. Shes gone now, but I feel still completely broken over it all.
After everything, she ended up mass dating anyone that walked and I saw how she really was. Hence, how I know how she is. And, I don’t ever want to get back with her. She left and I’m glad she is gone now. But, it feels like a part of me is missing. It feels like my life is gone, my motivations aren’t there. My ambition has been squashed, and my dreams are vague and out of reach.
I don’t think I can really trust anyone anymore. Right now I’ve grown distant with people and my own family - which, things just got worse as my Grandfather died. I’ll write about him soon, soon as I get my thoughts together for sure.
Anyhow, this is my first entry and my gosh there will be plenty! I need to have somewhere to express myself and say things I need to!
I’ll try my best to be part of the community, I’m generally terrible at it however! So, no promises but I promise to do my best.
-Kay
Loading comments...