So we had to put our dog to sleep last night. His legs collapsed on Saturday and he hadn’t moved at all until I got there yesterday, when he managed to scoot himself close to me. He was looking so pathetic and sorry for himself, it was so depressing. We called the emergency vet and she told us to bring him to the local vet hospital. We had to lift him up into Dad’s old wheelchair and wheel him out into the taxi, then have one of the nurses carry him in - she was awesome.
The vet said that the chances of him having arthritis were pretty damn high, even without any tests. It makes sense, he was deteriorating pretty slowly, and he was 15 years old. Old dogs go down the hole pretty quickly when its their time, we all know. It could’ve been managed but it would’ve severely diminished his quality of life, so we really only had two choices. Give him meds and watch him suffer even more, or end it now and let him go.
(This next part might be too graphic so feel free to not read.)
We let him go. It was so sad. I was with him when they put him under. Mum couldn’t. She’s seen enough death this year. I felt sort of… responsible for being with him when the end came, since I couldn’t do that for Dad. I cried so hard. I’m welling up just thinking about it now. His heart stopped pretty quickly, but his brain was still working so he twitched and convulsed a lot. It was horrible, I don’t ever want to see it again. I can’t wait to forget it.
(You can start reading now.)
But I’m still super glad that I was with him when he left. I would’ve hated myself if I left him alone in that cold room with nobody around him that loved him. He was wheeled into the next room and I was left alone with him. Took me about 20 minutes to get all my tears out. My poor little guy. We got him when I was 17. He was in my life for almost half my life. And I calculated it… He died 40 days after Dad did. That’s why it hurts all the more. That’s why it’s so rough. That’s why I took the day off work because I just needed to not be around people who would only ask why I looked so miserable.
I hate this year.
It’s my brother’s birthday tomorrow and he’s invited us out for a few drinks. I’m going but I don’t think mum will. The last six weeks have hit us so hard. I’m worried about her. Worried what she’ll do in an empty house all by herself. I wish I could take her on holiday with me, but everything’s all booked up and I don’t think there’s room to include one more. I definitely couldn’t afford her plane ticket. Sigh. We just need to stick together through this difficult time.
I’m so sad. Please, please don’t let anybody else go this year. I can’t take it.
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