I just really hate this year so much. It’s been so hard to get through this and still go on with life. I was in my uncle’s house on Friday night, this was the first time we had seen each other since dad’s funeral so I vented to him a bit.
The Saturday before the funeral was my cousin’s 30th birthday party. I persuaded mum to go because I thought it would be good to be around family, and for the most part, it was. However two of my cousins put their mouth before their brain and said some really inappropriate things like.. “I’m so used to getting a card signed from Auntie X and Uncle Y and now it’s just Auntie X.” Dad hadn’t even been through the curtain, and my cousin said that to my brother. Horrific.
Dad was a big guy, he looked big, but he had lost a lot of weight before he died, so he was only about 12 stone, if that. My other cousin was asked by my brother to be one of the pall bearers and he said “Yes, but I’ll probably need to hit the gym and work on my weights first.”
Like, wow. Could you fucking not? Idiots. Makes me so angry, even now, even though there was probably zero malice behind it, even with all this time gone by. I’m just so furious sometimes. And worried. And stressed. I told my mum I’d be taking her on holiday next year, will give her something to look forward to. When we went out for my brother’s birthday, I told her that I don’t trust her to look after herself. And I don’t. I’ve tried to get her to take care of herself, she’s going deaf, she needs new glasses, and I booked appointments up for her and she skipped them. She quit smoking cigarettes for, I don’t know, two weeks maybe? Went onto e-cigs and vaping, then lied straight to my face when I asked her if she was still off the cigs, even though she made it blatantly obvious that she was smoking again.
I just find it hard to stick by her when she’s like this, but I know I’m just looking for the easy way out here. There’s no quick fix. There’s no lightswitch she can flip to make her even want to look after herself and I just need to be patient, but goddamn it’s hard.
I wish I could be better at this. I don’t know what to do.
Loading comments...