Hurts so good... in It's Art, You Wouldn't Understand

I bleed a little bit today. I think I over did it. I’m tender and sore and utterly exhausted but behind that I still want more. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I like this? What has changed?

I’ve been consuming smut at an alarming rate and though the stories are good I’m a fiend that’s after one thing.

Chu can’t keep up. He says its because of his night shift. I hate when he’s on this schedule. He’s always tired and snappy and has zero interest in sex. He was napping for about 5 hours yesterday, I woke him up with a blow job and I asked nicely if we could do something. He said I was welcome to get on top but he had no interest in coming. I did reverse cowgirl, a position that is quickly becoming a favorite, and teased myself before finally asking him to participate. I was so worked up before hand that he just slipped on it, not fully hard but good enough. I must have went on for about 20 mins because my abs and lower back started to hurt. I really need to get back in shape. My stamina is shit right now.

Anyway my hips gave out way before my libido did and I had to use Winston to finish up. Round 2, which was quickly after Round 1, was fingering and I came when he put his mouth on my clit. I heard the shower water and seen he was trying to have a conversation with his brother so I let him be and focused on getting myself off a third time before my shift. This is where the blood came from. I was rough and hard, working more out of frustration rather than genuine enjoyment. There wasn’t anything spectacular about that climax, a faint whisper to the first one I had that day. But whatever. I took a quick rinse in the shower. I had bathe early in the day and I didn’t do anything beside eat, nap and cum so I didn’t need a full scrub down. After work I was tired and still slightly horny but I left it alone. What was the point? My body hurts and I just end up more frustrated than when I began.

So when Chu asked me to go upstairs for bed I agreed and just cuddled him. I read some more in the early hours and then asked Chu to use me. I just wanted to feel him inside, hard and demanding. He wasn’t in the mood but did it for my sake. When he came I felt satisfied. I was content with just cuddling with him and smelling his skin. Was this what I wanted? Just close intimate love that I could lounge in for a bit? My body was still humming but I didn’t want to push it further. Then he started up again with his lame jokes and I got mad. I told him to leave me alone for a bit and got myself off when I heard him start to make breakfast. He’s an immature ass sometimes but at least he’s sweet. His ability to handle long term intimate situations is clumsy at best. He always has to start making jokes or weird sounds. I know humor is a coping mechanism for him but it gets tiring. He needs to be more confident in his sex appeal and lower the good boy charm every now and then. We’ll unpack that another day though.

I’m moving on to horror books now. I use to wanted to write them in my younger years but during my short story days I realized how impossible that was for me. Everything just seems so clique. Ghost, demons, crazed manics that lured you in with sweet words. I find myself drawn more toward psychological horrors now. Not so much for the gore but I like the complex links that the characters have with each other and their emotions. Humans are so weird.

I missed church, again. I feel real bad…not catholic bad but more disappointed. I messed up on my tithes again and I want to correct that wrong next Sunday. Today I’m going to rest, clean up my filthy house and wash my hair. Chu wants me to work but I’m not in the mood. When am I ever though? Once I get there the “work dread” isn’t as strong and I realize its not so bad. Plus, my bank account could really use the coin.

That’s all for now I suppose. So far this journal has been nothing but my exploits of horny desires. I don’t feel bad about that though. Its just where my head is at right now, its what I’m about.

Deal.