Name: Bruce Willis
Introduction Platform: Bumble
Age: Profile says he’s 49. There’s NO WAY this guy is 49. My guess is 59? It’s not a knock, though. I really didn’t care and didn’t remember what the profile said until I went back to the app to see how old he is. So now I’m a little surprised that he actually put 49 except for the fact that sometimes people make 50 their upper limit in age. He probably wants a younger woman. Who knows?
Relationship Status: A couple of divorces. Two grown kids, 24 and 20.
Job: High-powered attorney. Two in a row!
Lives: In the ritzy ‘burbs. Just so happens it’s the same burbs where Best Bud lives. Gotta be honest, that’s a turn-off. It can take up to an hour to drive there and I don’t like to drive. But Bruce was cool and was more than willing to drive to me.
Length of Date: 2.5 hours - long enough to split a bottle of Roseeeeee!
We Did: Met at this hot new Italian place a few blocks from my place and sat on the patio with a bottle of rose and chatted and chatted.
He Looked: Yes, he really does look a lot like Bruce Willis, and is probably just as old. He was wearing a nice dress shirt with a pair of jeans. Unfortunately (VERY unfortunately), there was a gut hanging over the top of those jeans. Everything else looked nice to me. He’s tall enough (6’1”) and very well put together. It was just that bit of a paunch that took me off guard and was unattractive to me.
I Looked: I guess I was the Jennifer Aniston to his Bruce Willis. He told me several times that I have qualities that are strikingly like JA’s. Now, I would have called bullshit on that if I hadn’t heard that same comment many, many, MANY times in my past. It’s pretty funny (but of course, very flattering) to hear. I wore what I wore to work - giraffe print dress, tall gold wedges, gold accessories.
Convo: Lots. I told him a lot about my history and what I do for a living. He told me about his career - that his career in law is actually his third career. He’s a smart guy and that’s impressive. But truthfully, I don’t have a whole lot to say about the conversation because he’s not animated AT ALL. It was almost like talking to a machine? I can’t even really describe it. It was weird. And don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice enough guy…I was even able to make him belly laugh at one point, but…it just seemed like he had zero sense of humor. He tried to answer a text from one of his paralegals right before we left. He couldn’t figure out what she was trying to say, but in the end, she was trying to make a JOKE with him. He didn’t understand the humor. Weird.
Oh! We did have some fun things in common. Like the fact that I’m totally into container houses and structures and HE JUST BOUGHT a container last week! How crazy is that?! He has a ranch where he’s going to fix it up. And, he’s into spirit making…like whiskies and rye and such. Even beer making. I thought that was cool.
Truthfully, he’s a pretty interesting guy. Just wish there had been some animation or a twinkle to his eyes.
High Point: The awesome bottle of rose that we split.
Low Point: When he told me about his most recent ex-wife who suffered breast cancer and he supported through all of the highs and lows of her illness - and on the day that the doctors declared her cancer-free, she filed for divorce! He says he never got an explanation and he never got to talk with her about it. I know it’s shitty of me, but that seems like a red flag, doesn’t it? Like, how does that even happen?
How It Ended: We finished the bottle and I was super tired and antsy to go. I was sooooo ready for the evening to be over. I could tell he liked me. He was hinting about seeing me again. I was hinting about never wanting to drive to his neighborhood to visit. Not really. I didn’t want to be rude, but I was NOT feeling the squishies for him in the least. It was a bummer, but not a terrible one because the wine was good and it was a lovely evening. Just a bummer for no real chemistry.
Chances Are: Meh. I’d say 25% chance I’ll go out with him again.
Date Rating: C-
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