Skool in It's Art, You Wouldn't Understand

Wow, look at me in bed at a decent hour. Now lets pray that I actually fall asleep instead of staring at the wall until 5am or read smutty manga until my alarm goes off. I didn’t masturbate today, so that’s a plus but we’ll see how this heat cycle goes.

Tomorrow is my first day of school and gosh damn, if I’m not kinda excited. I feel a little silly. I shouldn’t be this happy about having something new to do outside the house but I’m going to roll with it. I even put myself down for hours at work too. It feels like I’m actually getting back on track with my life. Small steps and I’m pretty proud of myself.

I check the tracking on my joycon and that sucker hasn’t even made it to the warehouse. Of course they gave me the slowest shipping they could. Screw you Nintendo.

Chu said I looked real cute today, and that made me smile. He said he wanted to kiss me but didn’t because I was being an asshole. I was but he deserved it. We tease each other a lot and I kind of like our relationship like that.

I’ve been thinking about installing cameras in my house. If someone offered me a few thousand bucks a month to film my entire house, 24/7 I hella would. I want to be more active on my social media, show people I’m a pretty cool person but Chu is’t a good cameraman and I don’t have any friends. I’m a naturally private person until someone ask me something. I have no problems answering just about anything honestly, but when it comes to voluntarily doing it, I feel strange. I know at the end of the day its all attention seeking and I get validated from that like anyone else, but its hardly on my mind.

When I’m out and about I don’t stop and think, “Oh I should take a selfie or a quick pic of this.” I don’t do little dances for the camera or make up funny skits. I just have a good time, and then go home. I guess it isn’t for me, but I still get the high of someone watching my little videos and junk. I just don’t spend that much time engaging with people that way. But I’m not like that in real life either and that something I want to change. So maybe I’ll try more?

I took some sleeping medicine tonight. I’m currently listening to some R&B to help set the mood of sleepy time. We’ll see if it works.

Tomorrow will be a good day. I can feel it.