My losing streak has won in The Dark Craptastic (July 2019)

Well, not as bad today as yesterday. But yesterday was catastrophe-level, and you cannot live there. You have to leave. It’s like living in a house that randomly catches fire. You have to keep the important shit close so you can bolt, all the time. It’s exhausting. That’s my mental illness, which defies labels, because the shrinks haven’t agreed what it is, or if it is multiple things, or if it’s just me. I get medication for panic disorder and c-ptsd, and sometimes we discuss bipolar disorder but I don’t ever seem to hit real mania.

That’s okay by me. I really don’t need that shit.

What I need is school back. It has been my seasonal routine for three years straight - two years for the AA, one year of three planned for the two BAs - and apparently I can’t function without the structure now. I like having shit due. I like having to be somewhere at a particular time. I especially like the learning new things bit. It’s exciting. When shit snaps into focus, that’s the epic moment. Keep the summer, fuckers. I don’t want it.

Other things I do not want:
Fucking Supernatural all night, every night. It’s 5 am, and I can’t sleep, because he’s watching Supernatural and I don’t have anywhere to sleep but the couch…which is beside the tv, which is blaring because he’s deaf. (Literally. Not taking the mickey or anything, the boy’s deaf.)

But I can’t sleep anyway, because I’ve been reverse-cycled for weeks, because it’s HOT in the daytime and I can’t get shit done.

Sadly, that just makes me crazier.