so that happened... in 2019

July 1, 2019
1:48pm

Well, I just had a very interesting weekend.

As in: I might have a boyfriend now. haha.

That feels so strange to me. “Boyfriend”. What the heck am I supposed to do with that? Like do people suddenly go around telling everyone they know? Because I’m currently just keeping it to myself. I did mention it to my mom since she’s around and should know. I also told my brother because well he’s my brother and because I wanted to tell someone. 🙂

The truth is that I am not very good at these things. I really enjoy being single and not having to worry about anyone else. I was very clear about this with him. How I’m not looking to waste my time if he isn’t serious about it. I don’t need to get married tomorrow and have a baby by next week, but I do need to know that we’re on the same path and moving in the same direction. I hope he’s not bullsh*ting me.

He seems quite sincere to me. I definitely feel that same connection that he does. I can’t explain it. We all know I don’t take this stuff lightly. I don’t just jump into this stuff. There’s a reason I’ve been single for so long.

I guess I do need to have a conversation with him on what exactly this new “title” means to him. Perhaps it’s only a name and doesn’t have anything attached. I should probably clarify that soon. hah.

So I have a lot of thoughts on this subject. Working my way through how I feel and the whole process of it all but let me first tell you the whole story [for memories sake]:

We’d been planning this Saturday meet-up for the whole week. He works every Saturday but was hoping to get out early. So I saw him on Wednesday afternoon because I was going to be out of town for a meeting Thurs/Fri. I made fun of him because we never hang out during the week but he said that “things were changing” and he’d be my “guide on this journey.” Alright. Whatever you say.

I talked to him for a long time on Thursday at the hotel. I got back Friday night and he called me after I was home. Plans were finalized for the next day. I basically let him do it all. I like to see that a man will put some effort into actually planning a date instead of winging it. And I really like that he asked me every step of the way just to make sure I was good with the ideas [the movie, the food, the timeline, etc].

I knew that he should be out of work around noon and he insisted on picking me up at the house so I got ready around 11 just to give myself some time. As I was finishing that up I got a call from H next door. He doesn’t usually call me so that was interesting. Before I could call him back I got a call from EC saying he was finally leaving work, he’d go home to shower/change, and then come get me around 2ish.
I called H back and after jokes about my getting ready for a “hot date” he asked if I wanted to come over to try a new beer. What the heck, might as well knock the edge off my slowing growing nerves. And honestly it was just what I needed. A little buzz to relax and not start panicking about it all. It wasn’t really a big deal but I knew things were probably gonna change.

The neighbours gave me a little bit of a hard time but didn’t say much. I’m really curious to get L alone for a chat to see what she thinks. Anyway, the beer was delicious and I set an alarm on my phone to head back over with enough time. Their little girl asked me why I was leaving so early since I’m usually there until after bedtime. haha. Dev ran to the door as I left and yelled, “I love you Rose.” So cute that one!! I told EC later that Dev has really helped me to learn how to be affectionate. He gives it away so freely. It’s easy to learn to reciprocate just as freely.

Anyway a little after 2 o’clock I finally got the call that he was outside. I met him at the truck and it was a tiny bit awkward at first. He drove out to get gas, we stared at each other, the usual. 😆 I warned him I might fall asleep because the seat was so comfortable.

Then we started talking…and talking…and talking! I swear every secret and every skeleton came out that night. Which is excellent, of course! I am happy to get it all out in the open and get it over with very early on. I was straightforward and completely honest. Seriously. To the point where sometimes I’m shocked at how I reacted. I was like a damn relationship self-help book with my answers and I have no idea where that came from! No matter what he threw at me I was calm, cool, and collected.

Including when he told me that he very recently got out of a relationship with someone. Like 3-4 weeks ago recently! Which coincides with when things started to move forward between us and every thing makes a whole lot more sense now! I knew there was something going on!
I just didn’t know it was that…and I don’t entirely know how I feel about it. Basically he met this girl earlier this year. I don’t know how long they dated or what kinda title it had on it. Like does he just jump from one girl to the next when he gets bored? I don’t know. 🤷‍♀️ It’s something I’m still trying to wrap my mind around. Hoping for the best; preparing for the worst.

He was very open and honest about the whole thing. Answering my questions without hesitation. Supposedly the relationship prior to that was 10 years ago? Maybe. I’m still ify on the timeline. He said that he did some serious “soul searching” on the matter and decided that he wanted to go in this direction [towards me]. That he felt like something was off if after all that time he couldn’t even bring himself to tell her he loved her. He told her things weren’t working out and that he was done with it.

I wish someone would have told me. I wish he would have mentioned dating someone. At the very least the freaken neighbours should have told me! Because they’ve been pushing us together this whole time and they kept talking about how he doesn’t date people and is focused on his career. So either they don’t know about her or someone was bs-ing me!
Don’t get me wrong, I am glad he choose me [I think it’s the right choice! haha!] but I wish that choice didn’t even need to be made. I’ve felt the same way about him pretty much the whole time and it’s super weird to find out he was with someone else! Plus, obviously my brain has started back-tracking and thinking about how he said certain things to me about liking me, about his future ex-mother in law, etc, and that whole time he had something going on with her. I feel bad for her too. And I wonder how easy it would be for him to do the same thing to me. I straight up told him that if there was someone else he was interested in, or he felt for me the way he did about her, that he better freaken tell me before anything happens. But I think I probably need to be a lot more clear on my stance on cheating.

As a quick sidenote: he left my house last night just after 9pm. By 10:30ish I hadn’t heard anything about him getting home, or a good night, or anything. It seemed a little weird. My crazy, worst-case-scenario mind wondered if he stopped at someone’s house for a hook up. It’s pretty irrational but I couldn’t help the way my mind wandered for a second. Like he just got all turned on at my house, forced to leave b/c H needed to get out of his driveway, and maybe he’d need to scratch that itch somewhere. Clearly I don’t know him that well. I didn’t know about this other girl this whole time! So it all factored in and I’m trying not to go the crazy route again. He’s given me absolutely no reason not to trust him. He was honest about this other girl and he definitely didn’t start anything with me until he was for sure done with her.

So yeah, that was probably the biggest piece of info that came out of the whole weekend. We got it out of the way early since he said he had a list of questions for me and the very first was about how many serious relationships I’d had. I think it was his way of being able to bring up the subject so he could tell me. I’m glad we talked about it all. And despite the sidenote, I did actually have a really good in-person reaction to the info.

There were so many other things too. He hesitated at first but almost immediately decided to tell me all about having a criminal record. I knew hints about it but he gave me the whole breakdown. And it’s really not that bad. I’d pretty much only worry about domestic violence or other violent crimes and there are none. I told him that everyone has a past. That I understood that things happen and people make dumb decisions when they’re young. He assured me he was over that life and doing really well lately. I’ll take his word for it.

Those were the two most important things and there was just so much that I don’t even remember it all. I told him a lot about me too. Stuff I’ve never told anyone else or don’t talk much about. We went over family stuff. Ideas on life. All the good stuff.

He took me to this cool pizza place. Ordered a pitcher of guinness for us to share. Ordered our pizza for us after confirming I would like it. Ordered calamari as an appetizer. It was all delicious!! The pizza was combination with caramelized onions instead of regular ones and it was perfect. We went through 2 pitchers of beer. 😳 All around a great time. We boxed up the leftovers for the neighbours who insisted I bring some home. Well mostly L but I guess she was mad because H never takes her there and also doesn’t take her to see fun movies. EC had told them the plan the night before, perhaps to get approval? and said she was mad then too. She’s the jealous type. Hopefully that’s not going to be a problem when we do fun stuff. haha. He straight up told her we were going to a theater “far, far away” so she wouldn’t show. 😂

We drove a few blocks over from there [after he opened my door for me which he said he wouldn’t do haha] to the theater for the movie. He’d already gotten tickets online so we just picked those up. I wanted to grab a ticketstub to save but I didn’t. I think I regret that now. 😐

At the very least I have a really funny story to tell though because this mother sucker fell asleep during the movie!! I knew he was going to the minute he leaned his seat back and got all comfortable. His excuse for everything now is that he’s just “so comfortable.” 🤦‍♀️ It made me laugh though and every time he started to snore I would shift in my seat or nudge him awake. So he definitely didn’t get much rest but there was no way I was going to let him snore up a storm in that quiet theater! There were tiny kids trying to enjoy their Toy Story 4!! 🤣

The movie wasn’t that great honestly I prefer the previous ones. The story just wasn’t enough for me although it had a few good moments. Mostly I just enjoyed holding his hand and sharing that moment with him. There was a lot of hand holding that day! In the truck, while we walked around, during the movie, etc. I’ve decided I should probably be better about initiating that kinda stuff. I go with it when he does it but maybe I should reach out sometimes too? I don’t want him to think I’m not into it. A note to work on!

After the movie we walked out a side door and straight over to the pub on the corner he wanted to take me to. They have a pretty decent beer selection on tap and it seems he might frequent the place. hah. We were lucky enough to find a table because the place was filling up quickly. We continued our trend of dark beers and had 3 more. Well, 2.5 since he wanted to try another one but we were close to leaving and he had to be able to drive. Turns out it was the worst one of the night but that’s ok - I only had to drink half. 😛 We had a Rasputin which is like a dark Russian stout. A Pelican something or other from OR that I actually have in my pantry right now but haven’t tried. It wasn’t too bad. And the last was a Motor Oil that tasted like a weird mix of chocolate bar and something going sour. haha. Not my cup of tea but good to know.

It was fun and we talked a whole bunch more. Continuing to ask questions. I told him that I was learning as I went but I didn’t have anything specific I needed to ask. Just letting conversation flow. I did ask a couple things about his ex’s though. Something came up about having a type or not and I said I wanted to see pictures of all his ex’s so I could decide. It didn’t happen but I am curious. I like to know why people do the things they do and why they choose the people they do. It’s all just a sociology thing. 😉

As we were leaving there I went to sit outside while he waited in a huge line to use the restroom. I texted the neighbour back and we pretty much decided we’d head over there. He was going to spend the night at their house anyway and I had her pizza leftovers. haha. So we drove straight over there.

We barely made it out of the city when he said something about how well everything had gone and what great progress we were making. I knew that was my opportunity to drop my own confession on him. It’s about as good a moment as I could figure. Kinda perfect timing actually because we were already on the way home. So I hesitated a little and then finally stumbled through something about how if things were going so well I needed to tell him that I’m celibate. He almost immediately asked if I was a virgin and I told him that yes I was waiting for marriage. He said that he kinda figured I was but didn’t want to be a dick and just point blank ask me. He said later that it didn’t really come as a shock to him from the way I carry myself and he pretty much expected it. Which I guess is good? 🤷‍♀️ I rambled through my whole semi-prepared speech anyway. About how it wasn’t fair not to tell him. How I wanted him to know because it was going so well. That I wanted him to ask me any questions. That he didn’t have to say anything right then but I was putting it out there and he could decide where to go from there.

It honestly went a lot better than I expected and I was able to say everything I wanted to say in hopefully a coherent manner.

But then, well, it got quiet and I got all up in my head about it. It wasn’t fair that I had to make that confession and/or that it had to be such a big damn deal. He’s obviously been with other people and I could tell it was a big thing for him. So I totally, involuntarily, started crying. Not like full on sobbing or anything, but I had a couple tears roll down my face and I very carefully reached up to wipe them once or twice. I thought I hid it pretty well but apparently not. I guess I did get quiet and stare out the window so that might have given it away. After a few minutes he asked me if I was ok.

A couple things to note that I thought were really sweet. 1) When ever we started talking about anything serious he would turn the music down to focus and listen to me. 2) Even though I’d just told him this big ol’ thing, he still reached out after a bit to hold my hand. One time he suddenly let go but then I realized there was a cop passing us and he reached back out a few minutes later. 3) He kept asking if I needed the heater because my hands had gone cold, but I didn’t let him.

I think it was after we got home that we sat in the truck for a bit talking more. I heard him mention something about my crying and we got back into the conversation. I told him that it just wasn’t fair. That if it were up to me I wouldn’t have to tell him because it’s between me and the universe. It shouldn’t involve anyone else but unfortunately it does so yeah it sucked for me to have to say all that.

He seemed to understand and be cool with it. He said he wanted to give it a try.

It’s the 5th already and I am doing terrible at finishing these entries lately. Too many things to say I guess. So much is happening and my social life is exploding, which is good in a lot of ways. I think I need to work on keeping more of a balance because I am so tired lately and I’m not even staying up that late. It’s gotta be more of a mental exhaustion I’m not quite picking up on.

Today I have time to just hang out, watch trashy television, and try to catch up on this stuff.

Anyway, I should just give the juicy details and put this entry to rest.

I failed to mention up above but on our way to the truck after the pub he walked me to my side and we finally had our first kiss.

Then we kissed a couple times in the truck. He asked for one more but I suddenly got weird and all up in my head so I said no. It got awkward for a second but faded quickly. I didn’t mean to but I’ve been known to overthink. hah.

I don’t remember if we kissed when we got home and were talking in the truck but oh boy was it on later that night! It got a little hot and heavy, which was surprising since it was basically our first kinda second date. I just feel so damn comfortable with him! It’s easy. I don’t even hesitate! That’s totally crazy for me. I mean everyone jokes about my space bubble and how I don’t like to be touched and that night [and a few since] I let this man put his hands all over me. Geez, remember the time I panicked when TF hugged me too tight?!?! Gosh what a difference this is. An amazing difference! I knew I was waiting for a reason!

So yeah, we hung out at the neighbours for a little while. Gave them the leftover pizza, had another beer, played cards. They finally all went to bed and left us in the kitchen alone. EC sat across from me to play another round of cards and kicked my butt. As I tossed my cards across the counter he suddenly hopped off his stool and came straight over to me. He pulled me in tight and started kissing me again. It was hot.

We kissed for a little and then he said he was walking me home. I grabbed my bag from the counter as he pulled me into the other room. And that’s as far as we made it before we started making out. haha. It was dark in there and perfect. We’d take a step or two towards the door and then continue kissing. Once he even pulled me down to a little couch section but I ended up on the floor on my knees. heh. We didn’t stay like that long. We got up and finally made it to the door which I had to fumble to try to unlock.

Walked home, made it half-way up my driveway and started making out again. This is where it got really steamy. His hands were all over me. Every where. He’s really into putting his hands in my back pockets. haha. They were certainly all over my butt and trying to get into my shirt. At one point he grabbed my hand and pulled it down to his pants. I felt how hard he was but there was so much going on that I didn’t really even think about it and just pulled away. He pulled my hand back and then later did it again. I did think it was a little much at the time but whatever. He was so into it. I was too.

We kept talking in-between all of this and that’s when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I don’t even remember if I responded. I mean I didn’t make much of it. We’d both been drinking all afternoon and yeah he also told me he loved me during this steamy make-out session. hah. This guy must be tripping. I think I told him that he couldn’t know that yet.

I was making jokes about how I kept dropping my keys which were in my hand along with my purse and jacket. It’s our joke now. Although I did eventually make it into my house after so much stalling!!

This is super long already but I’ll just mention real quick that he came over the next day [Sunday] to hang out. Originally we were going to go to PR with the neighbours but he didn’t want to drive and I was super tired. He took a power nap at home and asked if I wanted to have wine at my house instead. Sure!

So he came over in the afternoon. He brought snacks of salami, cheese, and sourdough bread! We poured wine and went out back. Sat on the swing for a bit but it was super hot that day. He asked me to go for a drive with him and so we went out to one of the shops so he could leave paperwork. He drove me all over the vineyards and it had such amazing views every where! We came back home and sat in the courtyard with our snacks we didn’t get to earlier. Mom came home shortly after and he asked me to invite her outside for a glass of wine. So sweet! We ended up eating leftover carnitas tacos and he hung out for a long time. It was so nice.

While we were in the courtyard he asked if I remembered him asking me to be his girlfriend the night before. I said I remembered and I was good with that. So I guess that’s that. It was decided! haha.

I feel like we probably went over to the neighbour’s house after they got home. The days are blurring together. But I’m pretty sure it was that day but little Dev had gotten sick so it wasn’t the usual fun over there. I played a round of mancala with their girl and then around 9pm he walked me home. Which of course turned into another major stalling makeout session. The only reason we stopped was because he’d parked back over at their house and H needed to get out to go to the store for soup for the Dev. He was kinda mad he had to go. haha. But he gets up so early for work anyway!

So that was pretty much my whole weekend. I don’t even remember what I wrote way up there the other day but I’ll go over it later. Now I see why people around here start dating and then don’t have time to update!

I need to spend some time processing my thoughts on this for sure. For now though, I’m happy!

rose.
11:20pm [almost hit another day haha]