darkened days; turn brighter* in 2019

3:01pm

I am at work today, not only because it’s my work day, but also because I desperately need to get out of the house! I’ve been stuck inside for days!

The reason being that I have been so knocked down by a crazy weird throat/tonsil thing that I’ve basically spent the last few days moving from my bed to the couch and back again.

It’s terrible. So, so terrible. Freaken awful! I haven’t been knocked down like this in 15-20 years at least. Maybe ever! I’ve never had a major surgery or needed emergency care outside of a fractured foot. I don’t know how to deal with this at all. I’m not good at sitting still. I am definitely not good at not eating. And boy have I not been eating. 😭 I mean it’s after 3 o’clock today and literally all I’ve had is: 1/2 glass of water, most of a cup of tea, a popsicle, and part of some interesting pineapple drink a client brought by for us to taste. That’s it. I guess the popsicle counts as food? Maybe, just barely.

I feel so weak. And frustrated! Angry even over the fact that I cannot eat anything even remotely food related without it feeling like a hundred knives are being stabbed through my neck.

This started around last Monday [the 8th] but very light symptoms that I thought for sure would turn into a plain ol’ sore throat. My immune system is definitely compromised right now with the methotrexate injections, so I wasn’t entirely surprised. By Friday/Saturday I was having trouble swallowing already but I sucked it up and went out with EC anyway.

sidenote: It was so freaken nice too! So as mad as I am, I’m still going to claim it was worth it. After he got out of work Saturday he picked me up at the dealership [our air in the car suddenly stopped working right before we hit 300,000 miles hah]. We bought some beer and headed to the beach. A spot I’d never been to before but was so amazing. We got a perfect parking spot and everything. It was beautiful and I never have any one to go to the beach with me! Basically we sat around and talked. Drank a couple beers sneakily since the sign said no glass or alcohol. 🤷‍♀️ The only bad part was I had to walk out to another country to use the porta-potty and there was no toilet paper. I managed though, so it was fine.
We made out like a couple teenagers for a little while just laying on the beach. At first I was like dude we can’t do this. There are kids around and I don’t want to be that couple! But then I thought screw it. These people don’t even know me. haha. It had mostly cleared out anyway and I avoided eye contact. 😛 After we went to eat pizza [we really need to mix up our dinner selections] and then drove home because we were both exhausted. We parked in the neighbour’s driveway to wait for them to get back [they’d also gone out but to a separate beach town] and this dude totally fell asleep in the truck. haha. By the time they got there I really wanted to hang out but could barely keep my eyes open. It was such a beautiful relaxing day regardless!

So yeah, on Sunday morning I woke up and of course was hit with everything I’d been pushing away. I even had to skip a Sunday of day drinking beer and eating bbq next door, which really broke my heart!

By Monday morning I’d sucked up my stubborn pride and had mom call the doc because I can barely speak. They had an appointment about an hour later and we took it. Rushed out there and it ended up being with my other doctor neighbor. BP was too high. Of course. Swabbed for strep and it was negative. Doc checked, saw swollen tonsils and a possible bump on one so pushed me up the food chain to an ENT. Swabbed again for a more intense throat culture and took a bunch of my blood. It sucked, but whatever. Just give me answers!

A little while ago mom called again because I still cannot talk for long [even skipping phone calls with my dude today! 😔] They told her someone should have called me and that I have the appointment with the ENT until next Friday. 🙄 Sure guys, I’d love to starve myself for another week+. Also, apparently the results for lab tests aren’t back either. At this point I don’t even know if I’m contagious but I’m definitely hoping/betting I’m not.

I have NO other symptoms besides the swollen tonsils, more so the right that might have the bump, and swelling on the inner side of my right cheek. Doc thought that was very weird not to have fever, or sinus symptoms, or anything. Yeah, me too.

There have been a couple moments where I’ve contemplated an ER visit. But 1) the ER in town is terrible! 2) the next closest is an hour away. 3) I’m not trying to get stuck in a hospital with this immune system. 4) How does ER billing work besides making me poor?
I mean, as long as I can breathe I’m still good. Who needs food anyway? I’ve been wanting to go on a diet for like months already. Although with my luck I probably won’t lose a single pound because all I’m eating is popsicles and carb-like foods.

Well, looks like mom just got me an appointment for 8AM tomorrow. Great. I don’t even like to sleep either. Although I looked them up and it says office hours from 9-5. I guess we’ll see if anyone is there! She did tell them that I haven’t eaten since Sunday. 😂 Slight exaggeration, but that’s ok. I’m just hoping they can actually do something that will make a difference. The other doc already put me on antibiotics even though the strep test was negative. I’m not sure how long before they kick in but no improvements over the last two days. What else can they possibly put me on? Shoot I hope this isn’t going to go the surgery route!

I have a delicious pulled pork waiting for me on Saturday that EC is going to make for the fights and I have work meetings Monday-Wednesday of next week. This is not the time to be dealing with all this. I’ve been so out of the loop lately that I don’t even know what normal life feels like. This has completely consumed me. And seriously I can only watch so much trashy television before it’s boring to even me!

We’ll see how it goes tomorrow. Hopefully some kind of answer will come through. Not sure how he’s going to check out my throat when I can barely open my jaw but I’m sure he’s seen worse. He’ll figure it out.

I think I’m going to try to shovel some soup into my throat even if it makes me feel the pain of a thousand burning suns. I still have one more pill to take and that one definitely needs food so wish me luck. I guess.

rose.
3:58pm

P.S. As a note: I did warn EC about my being sick and how it might be contagious. I mentioned it to him numerous times actually. He even tried to talk me out of the Saturday beach trip but I was insistent on going. Let me introduce you to my stubborn side in case y’all haven’t met! Also despite the warnings he insisted he’d be fine. He has an immune system of steel, he thinks, and was willing to risk whatever. So ok. It’s on him at that point. Though this week I have mostly avoided kissing him except a peck here and there. No makeout sessions like we’d become accustomed to. ;)

I feel really bad for him. I mean we haven’t even made it a month and he’s already having to see and deal with me like this. A way that I seriously haven’t felt in a million years even when I get the occasional cold. I guess we’ll get the bad stuff out of the way early? Hopefully he’s a patient man! So far, he’s been the sweetest thing! On Sunday morning he went to the store for BBQ stuff and brought me back medicine. Mostly because he doesn’t believe in my holistic ways. haha. He also brought me a doughnut which was even better! He checks on me every single morning and throughout the day. He came over to hang out Sunday after he was done BBQ-ing. I saw him briefly on Monday afternoon and then he stopped by yesterday to spend a little time with me. I had to kick him out because he was falling asleep on my couch and still had stuff to do. Plus I feel super lame when I can barely talk and can’t entertain him at all. He understood though.

P.P.S. This dude just showed up at my office saying he had something for me. I figured it was some more medicine or a bowl of soup. Something like that. But nope! It was this beautiful bouquet of flowers he picked out and brought them to me to “brighten my day.”

How the hell did I get so damn lucky!?! I think I need to pinch myself to make sure this guy is real.....or try to swallow something. That would hurt just as much. hah.

I never expected him to be like this though. He comes off as so tough and nonchalant about everything. I didn’t know he’d be the sweetest man I’d ever hoped for!! swoon

Last updated July 17, 2019