Too Bored to Sleep in Life

I’m having one of those moments where I stare at the screen, unsure of what to write but sure that I /need/ to write. It’s like a building pressure mixed with angst and anxiety like surely doom is right around the corner if I don’t express these thoughts.

I just spoke with someone the other day about how I start my entries and that I normally write most of it in my head through introspection and monologue but this is one of those times where I just sat down and was like “okay, lets do this”

So here we are.

Both Pam and I have been exhausted lately, for no real good reason other than Elly’s sleep cycle changing to 3am wake up feeding. I’ve taken that on by my own as Pam works she needs the whole night’s sleep. Plus waiting for her to wake up after a half hour of a baby grunting and squirming is just frustrating when I can hear it and deal with it within 5 minutes. She’s a heavy sleeper, I am not. Part of that whole paranoia and constantly fearing that someone’s gonna kill you in your sleep. It’s great…

One thing I really need to work on is being better at waking up happy. If anyone was a grump and has adjusted that, please let me know how or what I can do. I’m willing to listen to anyone on this one.

Anyway, with Elly’s adjusted schedule, we have stubbornly refused to change our own cycles which has lead to the exhaustion (in theory) and just… nothing getting done around the house (I mean, I’m the only one that does anything but ANYway!)

Pam said if I wanted her to do anything I’d just have to ask. HA I’ve OBVIOUSLY done that......... I certainly wasn’t just bitching to myself while not communicating my need for help at all! That’s not something I would ever do… … …

ANYway!

Last night we were both old people and in bed about a half hour after the baby (around 9pm) and despite waking up at 2 with the baby I slept till around 730 and I feel great today. For the first time all week. So I think that’s something I need to adjust. The bedtimes need to come earlier but post baby-bedtime is the only time that Pam and I really get “alone” so it’s hard to give that up, plus I don’t sleep well (Despite vibrant dreams which will make their way here one day)

Basically what I’m trying to say is that change is difficult. I’ve lost (Until today) all motivation. I’ve stopped drawing, cleaning, pretty much stopped everything except babying (angrily) and gaming (with equal amounts of frustration) So I’m hoping to get that back on track today.

There’s a Casino reunion tonight for the restaurant staff that used to work there/still do. I’ve said I’m going to go to that but I’m sure my anxiety will prevent it. Kinda self defeating but more preparedness than anything else. Then we’re gonna hang out with Smitty and his wife tomorrow, then Sunday is a Pool and BBQ at my best man’s place (They’re also the next in line for a baybay) and then Monday - Canada Day - I think we’re gonna go out to dad’s place so we’ll see how this goes. But we need to get out. I’m getting REAL bored of anything and everything in this place.