My bitter sweet trip in How do I explain how I feel...

I am traveling to a city where I was a year ago, and it feels bitter sweet, I really wanted to live there but my chances are slim, I can’t even escape my own country, where I feel soo insecure and scared from people, for the first time in my life I feel the chills.... I don’t know how long I can stay here without thinking of leaving. I feel so alone and I can’t even think about looking for another job because, working here isn’t great.... I feel soo distraught the fact I can’t even think straight about where I want to be.... Because there aren’t many places to look into… I wish I can be saved in any way. Depression pills aren’t the answer, because I tried to escape this but now I am facing my fears.... How can I adjust ? The question is it even possible to adjust....