Finally! The Poop Scandal in These Foolish Things
- July 2, 2019, 11:46 p.m.
- |
- Public
I think this happened like two weeks ago now and I feel like it’s going to be anticlimactic, but there’s been a mad pooper on the loose in my office!
I heard from a very reliable source of juicy gossip that there was going to be a meeting for all the MEN in the office. No women were invited.
Apparently, one of the guys here in the office has been explosively clogging one of the toilets in one of the bathrooms here in the office. Not only that, this person is OBSESSED with one particular stall because every time they try to block off that particular stall, this person somehow breaks the barrier (or crawls under the stall door) and shits his brains out repeatedly!
Now. I don’t know if it’s as bad as perhaps spraying the walls with doo doo, but I also heard that the cleaning staff was revolting (and revolted!), telling the office manager that they were going to stop cleaning that bathroom. The cleaning staff also hates us all here in the office for some reason. It’s probably because we bring dogs.
Anyway, at the Men’s Only meeting, one of our SVPs had to tell all the guys that if the mad shitter doesn’t stop doing his dirty work that they were going to have to lock up the men’s room and hand out keys to use the shitter!
He also told them that every woman knows what’s going on in that meeting because shit like that spreads like wildfire!
So. That’s it. The Poop Scandal. I actually haven’t heard any more about it since the week of the meetings, so I’m assuming there hasn’t been any more incidents.
Thankfully,
GS
gravity ⋅ July 02, 2019
HAAAAAAAAAAAAA. This is going to be the best thing I read all week.
Deleted user ⋅ July 02, 2019
That is hilarious but what is wrong with that guy ? That is not normal :-)
The Thirsty Oriental ⋅ July 02, 2019
Wow. This is ridiculous. Hahahahaha
kashka ⋅ July 02, 2019
wtf.
And eww.
Satine ⋅ July 03, 2019
Wow!
Gangleri ⋅ July 03, 2019
“Shit like that spreads” and I burst out laughing at work.
kansasgirl ⋅ July 03, 2019
This shit needs to be in a sitcom!!!
Ginger Snap kansasgirl ⋅ July 03, 2019
Or a shitcom!!! hahaha!
kansasgirl Ginger Snap ⋅ July 03, 2019
Can you imagine if The Office had covered a situation like this....or Ally McBeal!!!
nowthat'salady ⋅ July 03, 2019
For some reason I just can't stop LOL'ing at this. So funny! WTF is wrong with people?
bobbi01 ⋅ July 03, 2019
Oh dear!
Fred ⋅ July 03, 2019
Am I thinking about this too much if I ask how it's possible to be both explosive AND clog the toilet? How is that possible? Do they clog and then flush and it overflows? I both do and don't want to know!
One Angry Dwarf Fred ⋅ July 06, 2019
I WAS ALSO THINKING THIS.
Ginger Snap Fred ⋅ July 06, 2019
I have no idea! I was trying not to get too many details out of this story!! It freaks me out to know that someone within these walls is doing this!!
plushcreep ⋅ July 03, 2019
What the hell? One explosive poop I can see...but a habitual EP'er? That's another story!
Marg ⋅ July 03, 2019
Kinda feel sorry for the poor poop guy - he's gonna get all constipated now over this!
Deleted user ⋅ July 03, 2019
At my work, the women all talk about how disgusting their bathroom is. They all swear it's more disgusting than any men's bathroom they've ever seen. And it's not accessible to the general public, either! It scares me. I don't want to think about who is responsible at all.
Jafael ⋅ July 03, 2019
Worth the wait! I figured this involved dog poop, because of your work, but a mad crazy man so bad they have to call a men’s only meeting is hysterical!
Satine ⋅ July 04, 2019
https://nypost.com/2019/07/01/bizarre-toilet-clogging-obsession-lands-wisconsin-man-in-jail/
Ginger Snap Satine ⋅ July 04, 2019
WHAAAAT??! No way! I can't believe this happened! I'm sending the article to my friend at work who has to deal with all of this shit!!!
pandora ⋅ July 04, 2019
My work had a mystery shitter ages ago, like 15 years or so ago, and the cleaning staff had to complain about that as well. It was in the WOMEN'S room and the pooper was apparently wiping it on stuff. I mean... gross.
One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 06, 2019
Okay I legit can't stop thinking about this. Can you imagine being the dude tasked with running this meeting? What if the guy who ran the meeting WAS the shitter? THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE WAS TOLD HE HAD TO MAKE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT LOL. Like a mix of "ruh roh!" and relief because if they're telling him to run the meeting, he's probably the least suspected. Meanwhile he's both metaphorically AND literally shitting himself over this.
I love this and I wish it would happen at my company.
Ginger Snap One Angry Dwarf ⋅ July 06, 2019
Dying laughing!!! I never thought of that!